That is disrespectful. It’s asserting that the hero knows better than the heroine what’s good for her, and is entitled to act on her behalf.
You’re leaving out the part where I said that the hero’s actions could be mistaken and/or tragic: i.e., in actual romance novels it’s quite often the case that the hero only thinks he knows better than the heroine, that she fights his actions every step of the way, and/or the actions lead to bad results.
I’m also a bit confused as to how you can say that either of the specific examples I gave qualify as “disrespectful”. If somebody throws themselves in front of a bullet for you, is that being disrespectful because they think they know what’s better for you?
might lock her up to protect her… might trick her into getting left behind when he goes to kill the bad guy, to protect her
I don’t see either of these as analogous to throwing himself in front of a bullet. In both cases he’s making a choice for her which she is capable of making herself—he’s taking care of her instead of letting her take care of herself. Even in the first case, there’s precedent in werewolf fiction for the lycanthrope to be voluntarily restrained to minimize damage. In the second case he’s also mislelading her so as to actually prevent her from making the choice to, say, protect him with her superior abilities.
It would be equally messed up if you switched the gender roles—saying “I’m going to do what I’ve decided is good for you instead of letting you make your own choices” always is, between two capable grownups. This just happens to be the direction which conforms to the popular trope about who is supposed to take care of whom.
It would be equally messed up if you switched the gender roles—saying “I’m going to do what I’ve decided is good for you instead of letting you make your own choices” always is, between two capable grownups. This just happens to be the direction which conforms to the popular trope about who is supposed to take care of whom.
This particular aspect may be unique to the romance genres my wife reads, but ISTM that the female leads in these novels are just as likely to make the same sort of imposingly-yet-self-sacrificing decisions for the male leads—i.e., both parties doing it in the same novel, prior to reaching a saner equilibrium. The contextual implication I draw from the few ones that I read myself, is that:
1) The signal “I will do what it takes to protect you, even if you disagree” is covertly found attractive by the heroine, even when her rational/overt reaction is that it’s stupid, unnecessary, condescending, chauvinistic etc. (This distinction is usually reflected in the heroine’s inner and outer dialogs),
2) While the signal is valued, the actual behavior and effects are not—by the time they reach “happily ever after”, the hero grudgingly agrees to limit his heroic impulses to merely vigorously arguing and protesting against courses of action he deems too dangerous, rather than outright sabotage or quasi-suicidal pre-emptions.
Hypothesis: once the hero has established the credibility of his signaled concern by actually putting himself at risk, the heroine can simply enjoy the now-credible verbal signals, without having the ongoing cost of excessive risk to him, or the annoyance of being treated somewhat condescendingly.
You’re leaving out the part where I said that the hero’s actions could be mistaken and/or tragic: i.e., in actual romance novels it’s quite often the case that the hero only thinks he knows better than the heroine, that she fights his actions every step of the way, and/or the actions lead to bad results.
I’m also a bit confused as to how you can say that either of the specific examples I gave qualify as “disrespectful”. If somebody throws themselves in front of a bullet for you, is that being disrespectful because they think they know what’s better for you?
I don’t see either of these as analogous to throwing himself in front of a bullet. In both cases he’s making a choice for her which she is capable of making herself—he’s taking care of her instead of letting her take care of herself. Even in the first case, there’s precedent in werewolf fiction for the lycanthrope to be voluntarily restrained to minimize damage. In the second case he’s also mislelading her so as to actually prevent her from making the choice to, say, protect him with her superior abilities.
It would be equally messed up if you switched the gender roles—saying “I’m going to do what I’ve decided is good for you instead of letting you make your own choices” always is, between two capable grownups. This just happens to be the direction which conforms to the popular trope about who is supposed to take care of whom.
This particular aspect may be unique to the romance genres my wife reads, but ISTM that the female leads in these novels are just as likely to make the same sort of imposingly-yet-self-sacrificing decisions for the male leads—i.e., both parties doing it in the same novel, prior to reaching a saner equilibrium. The contextual implication I draw from the few ones that I read myself, is that:
1) The signal “I will do what it takes to protect you, even if you disagree” is covertly found attractive by the heroine, even when her rational/overt reaction is that it’s stupid, unnecessary, condescending, chauvinistic etc. (This distinction is usually reflected in the heroine’s inner and outer dialogs),
2) While the signal is valued, the actual behavior and effects are not—by the time they reach “happily ever after”, the hero grudgingly agrees to limit his heroic impulses to merely vigorously arguing and protesting against courses of action he deems too dangerous, rather than outright sabotage or quasi-suicidal pre-emptions.
Hypothesis: once the hero has established the credibility of his signaled concern by actually putting himself at risk, the heroine can simply enjoy the now-credible verbal signals, without having the ongoing cost of excessive risk to him, or the annoyance of being treated somewhat condescendingly.