I also have very little intrinsic desire to maximize aggregate utility, but I do seem to have an intrinsic desire to fight for the community that does. It’s tricky, but this is how it always has been everywhere. You have to organize, but the organization and the individual will want different things, because the organization is a superagent trying to pursue a coherent agenda despite being composed of multiple individuals, and then some people pretend to themselves have the aggregate utility function, and they get promoted because they can be trusted to directly pursue the interests of the organization, but most of them are lying about their utility function in order to pursue promotion, and some of them don’t even consciously recognize that about themselves, such as your former self, who no one could have helped.
I also have very little intrinsic desire to maximize aggregate utility, but I do seem to have an intrinsic desire to fight for the community that does. It’s tricky, but this is how it always has been everywhere. You have to organize, but the organization and the individual will want different things, because the organization is a superagent trying to pursue a coherent agenda despite being composed of multiple individuals, and then some people pretend to themselves have the aggregate utility function, and they get promoted because they can be trusted to directly pursue the interests of the organization, but most of them are lying about their utility function in order to pursue promotion, and some of them don’t even consciously recognize that about themselves, such as your former self, who no one could have helped.