I live in Western Massachusetts. Being on this website at all filters for a lot of my criteria, so if somebody in commuting distance who is not more than five years older than me (I’m about to turn 21), doesn’t smoke, and has not demonstrated him or herself to be a jerk in LW comments in the past would be interested in meeting, let me know.
Count me in. I’m 24 and moving to Hudson, MA in two weeks. I will temporarily bear the stigma of “unemployed and living with parents”, but that should last a couple months at most.
(If Eliezer can give his congratulations in Japanese, then I can give mine in Magic Player. And, yes, Magic Player is a language distinct from English.)
You’re not a jerk, but you are married. There’s another criterion: I’m averse to helping anyone cheat. Anyway, the “not a jerk” thing only rules out a handful of people off the top of my head, and I highly doubt those people like me.
It’s not an issue of me not liking you, Alicorn. I criticize you when I deem you in error, and applaud when when I deem you to be insightful. It’s just that the former happens a lot more often.
Let me clarify: you think I’m immature, almost constantly in error, you won’t explain my failures in enough detail for me to make use of the information even when I ask, you’re routinely hostile to me—but it’s not like you don’t like me or anything. What is it, then? You hold me in the sort of half-fond contempt typically reserved for small, annoying children and animals who don’t know any better, or something?
I think I’m going to defy all expectation and say: I agree with Alicorn completely on this. (I would have responded directly to Alicorn, but she had told me to leave her alone, and considering the topic, and my position, that would be WAY too much irony.)
I think this trope seriously hinders anti-rape efforts. I’d go into more detail, but given the topic, pretty much anything can be read out of context, so it’s best to leave it at that.
This is probably the wrong time to go on about how that trope sexualizes violence and encourages people to think that “no means yes” even given ever-more-stringent values of “no”, isn’t it?
I happen to like girls who initiate sex with this sort of challenge. It is a straightforward alternative to the verbal or social challenges that fill the same role more frequently. In fact playing out the dynamics so directly rather than in the verbal world helps prevent any confusion as to whether verbal expressions are a façade to test character or a boundary. ‘No’ could always mean ‘no’ and never mean ‘I’m not comfortable yet, pull back and continue the mating dance’.
Rape is bad/evil/other/death-spiral. But this trope doesn’t encourage rape.
I’m reminded of a Seinfeld scene in which Jerry and Elaine, annoyed at each other, are in a push fight in Jerry’s apartment when Kramer pops in, separates them and nonchalantly suggests, “Don’t you two see you are in love with each other?”. (Note that in the scene, it’s obvious Jerry and Elaine are not romantically linked and that’s why Kramer’s comment is so funny.)
I do explain your failures. I explain your failures in detail. What I do not do, is commit unbounded time to answering your (or anyone’s) followup questions when I believe I have already answered them and/or the benefits no longer exceed the costs (ETC).
I believe that modding me down for a calm, honest, non-inflammatory statement of my opinion of you, is not something a mature individual would do. (Remember, it was the “deeming you in error” that I said was common, not “you being in error in some more objective or universal sense”.)
(While we’re on the topic, I seem to remember a long flamewar in which you also stopped giving additional clarification to those who asked what their error was—specifically, how to know if they’re being sexist. Keep in mind, no one who asked for help ever got a good enough model of what you count as sexism to generate the same answers that you did—note the “If I were rich I’d have a gardener” problem.)
Just for the record, there actually are instances when I have regarded your comments highly. Just twoexamples off the top of my head.
If and when you make comments with merit, I mod you up, without regard for any stupidity you might have revealed in the past. I might read your remarks a bit less, but if I see one that’s good, I mod it up. I do not, however, downmod you simply for saying something that’s not “on my side”—in fact, I recognize my own biases in flamewars and avoid modding when it’s likely to negatively influence my judgment.
If you call that “not liking you”, that just means you can’t distinguish liking a person from liking an argument.
If and when you make comments with merit, I mod you up, without regard for any stupidity you might have revealed in the past.
Note: as someone who is mainly on your “side,” use of terms like “stupidity” and “your failures” seem unnecessarily hostile and undermine the emphasis you place on separating people and arguments.
Fair point, and I appreciate your input—I’m often ignorant of the differences between how I would take remarks vs. how other people would.
But with respect to my use of “your failures”, that was just to follow the form of Alicorn’s question, not because I like making others feel like failures. Here’s the relevant part:
Let me clarify: you think I’m immature, almost constantly in error, you won’t explain my failures in enough detail for me to make use of the information even when I ask… [bold added—SB]
You know what? That looks a lot like how I feel about you. I frequently deem you in error, but sometimes you say something I like and I’ve occasionally upvoted you. Believe it or not, in spite of that, I don’t like you. Your defense is therefore hardly airtight: it’s possible to sometimes upvote a person while disliking them. So either you’re hedging to avoid having to admit disliking me (you haven’t claimed not to dislike me, you’ve only said that’s not the “issue” and that I don’t have the right data to assume it), or there’s some additional phenomenon going on besides our voting behavior, or we’re talking past each other and mean different things by “like”, “don’t like”, and “dislike”.
Of course liking a person is separate from evaluation of their comments—at least I hope people here act that way! What I dispute is this insinuation that my treatment of you is evidence of having built up some personal or emotional “dislike” of you, as opposed to a clear-headed reaction to the merit of your posts.
I also strongly dispute your suggestion of symmetry: I do not use the voting system as a tool to “get back” at you during disputes, while the evidence suggests that you do start modding me down even when your objectivity has clearly been compromised and therefore when your voting is disinformative to others.
Yes, yes, there’s no rule against modding down someone you just got into a flamewar with or who offended your honor and I’m a masochist for employing such restraint, blah blah blah. Nevertheless, I am clearly treating you better than you treat me, so if anything, you should be appreciative of my actions and not characterize them as some kind of mistreatment.
Very well, I will leave you alone, though I’ll still comment in top-level posts you start. But at this point I’m very much interested in resolving our differences, which I think would be better for both of us. Please let me know if you’re interested in chatting things over in the (cyber-)presence of a neutral mediator.
Oh sorry, that was probably me. I spent the past couple of weeks almost dying of an infection, so didn’t have time to read much of Lw; I just caught up on recent comments. I wouldn’t doubt that I’d downvoted a bunch of your comments in fairly quick succession.
For any future biographers eagerly following this thread to learn of Alicorn’s relationship history, we got back together on July 30th at 9:30 PM PDT, when her plane landed.
For any present day folk (especially those in/around Berkeley) eagerly following this thread in order to learn when/whether it is appropriate to hit on Alicorn: go for it =)
Further update for future biographers: we got married on September 21st at the UC Berkeley botanical garden, Kenzi officiated and YVain gave a toast =)
Given that the date on this comment is August 15, and that to the best of my knowledge Alicorn currently lives in North Carolina...is this a message from the future?
(If so, we certainly know why there are biographers involved—in which case they probably read all this before it was posted.)
How soon do you turn 21? Are you in or near Amherst? I’m looking to add players to our trivia night team (Tuesdays at the Harp) and you’re welcome to join us.
This year is what I have heard called a “champagne birthday”—I turn 21 on the 21st. However, Tuesdays are freakishly busy for me. I am on campus for thirteen hours straight and when I get home after my last class I go directly to bed. Sorry =/
Selling kisses for Karma. Form a queue behind Alicorn.
ETA: Err, that seems even less relevant when I look at Recent Comments. I hope the proceeds my amorously entrepreneurial problem solving offsets any distracting irritation!
20-year-old non-smoking male with proper world-saving ambitions here. I’m in New York and a minimum of an hour and a half from anywhere in MA; not sure if you’d consider that commuting distance.
What counts as commuting distance, if you don’t actually live in my town (Amherst), is up to you: I don’t have a car (or indeed a driver’s license), so the burden of transit is going to mostly not fall on me. I’m not going to the Singularity Summit because I am poor and it is far away and I hate traveling.
I live in Western Massachusetts. Being on this website at all filters for a lot of my criteria, so if somebody in commuting distance who is not more than five years older than me (I’m about to turn 21), doesn’t smoke, and has not demonstrated him or herself to be a jerk in LW comments in the past would be interested in meeting, let me know.
Count me in. I’m 24 and moving to Hudson, MA in two weeks. I will temporarily bear the stigma of “unemployed and living with parents”, but that should last a couple months at most.
An update for curious onlookers: this panned out. Tuesday was our first “luniversary”, if I may employ a nonce. :)
And a double congratulations to Dfranke for using the ‘unemployed and living with parents’ line successfully.
That got him “full disclosure” points, but would not have boded well without the “temporarily”.
Mise!
(If Eliezer can give his congratulations in Japanese, then I can give mine in Magic Player. And, yes, Magic Player is a language distinct from English.)
Omedetou gozaimasu! It feels oddly completive to know that LW has helped at least one romantic relationship form.
Congratulations. :)
Who among us has not demonstrated oneself to be a jerk?
Let he who is without jerky cast the first wrapper?
You’re not a jerk, but you are married. There’s another criterion: I’m averse to helping anyone cheat. Anyway, the “not a jerk” thing only rules out a handful of people off the top of my head, and I highly doubt those people like me.
It’s not an issue of me not liking you, Alicorn. I criticize you when I deem you in error, and applaud when when I deem you to be insightful. It’s just that the former happens a lot more often.
ETA: Real mature, there. ETA2: Okay, back to zero.
Let me clarify: you think I’m immature, almost constantly in error, you won’t explain my failures in enough detail for me to make use of the information even when I ask, you’re routinely hostile to me—but it’s not like you don’t like me or anything. What is it, then? You hold me in the sort of half-fond contempt typically reserved for small, annoying children and animals who don’t know any better, or something?
Anyone else see sparks here?
// …sorry. :-)
...Ew.
Think Han and Leia, Harry and Sally, Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls, Indiana Jones and that annoying actress from Temple of Doom. I could go on.
I’ll stop now, though :-)
I really doubt we’re looking at a case of Slap Slap Kiss here, but teasing is fun.
I think I’m going to defy all expectation and say: I agree with Alicorn completely on this. (I would have responded directly to Alicorn, but she had told me to leave her alone, and considering the topic, and my position, that would be WAY too much irony.)
I think this trope seriously hinders anti-rape efforts. I’d go into more detail, but given the topic, pretty much anything can be read out of context, so it’s best to leave it at that.
This is probably the wrong time to go on about how that trope sexualizes violence and encourages people to think that “no means yes” even given ever-more-stringent values of “no”, isn’t it?
I happen to like girls who initiate sex with this sort of challenge. It is a straightforward alternative to the verbal or social challenges that fill the same role more frequently. In fact playing out the dynamics so directly rather than in the verbal world helps prevent any confusion as to whether verbal expressions are a façade to test character or a boundary. ‘No’ could always mean ‘no’ and never mean ‘I’m not comfortable yet, pull back and continue the mating dance’.
Rape is bad/evil/other/death-spiral. But this trope doesn’t encourage rape.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I wouldn’t mind. Rant all you want; this is the Open Thread, after all.
This isn’t the open thread. This is “oy, girls on lw, want to get together some time?”
So the standards here are probably lower than an Open Thread.
Whoops. :(
I am a bit alarmed by the 5 points your post got.
Its actually like 8 ups at 4 downs at this point. Don’t know what that tells us.
Alicorn and Silas are pretending they don’t love it and two others are getting jealous! ;)
This was really funny.
I’m reminded of a Seinfeld scene in which Jerry and Elaine, annoyed at each other, are in a push fight in Jerry’s apartment when Kramer pops in, separates them and nonchalantly suggests, “Don’t you two see you are in love with each other?”. (Note that in the scene, it’s obvious Jerry and Elaine are not romantically linked and that’s why Kramer’s comment is so funny.)
I do explain your failures. I explain your failures in detail. What I do not do, is commit unbounded time to answering your (or anyone’s) followup questions when I believe I have already answered them and/or the benefits no longer exceed the costs (ETC).
I believe that modding me down for a calm, honest, non-inflammatory statement of my opinion of you, is not something a mature individual would do. (Remember, it was the “deeming you in error” that I said was common, not “you being in error in some more objective or universal sense”.)
(While we’re on the topic, I seem to remember a long flamewar in which you also stopped giving additional clarification to those who asked what their error was—specifically, how to know if they’re being sexist. Keep in mind, no one who asked for help ever got a good enough model of what you count as sexism to generate the same answers that you did—note the “If I were rich I’d have a gardener” problem.)
Just for the record, there actually are instances when I have regarded your comments highly. Just two examples off the top of my head.
If and when you make comments with merit, I mod you up, without regard for any stupidity you might have revealed in the past. I might read your remarks a bit less, but if I see one that’s good, I mod it up. I do not, however, downmod you simply for saying something that’s not “on my side”—in fact, I recognize my own biases in flamewars and avoid modding when it’s likely to negatively influence my judgment.
If you call that “not liking you”, that just means you can’t distinguish liking a person from liking an argument.
Note: as someone who is mainly on your “side,” use of terms like “stupidity” and “your failures” seem unnecessarily hostile and undermine the emphasis you place on separating people and arguments.
Fair point, and I appreciate your input—I’m often ignorant of the differences between how I would take remarks vs. how other people would.
But with respect to my use of “your failures”, that was just to follow the form of Alicorn’s question, not because I like making others feel like failures. Here’s the relevant part:
You know what? That looks a lot like how I feel about you. I frequently deem you in error, but sometimes you say something I like and I’ve occasionally upvoted you. Believe it or not, in spite of that, I don’t like you. Your defense is therefore hardly airtight: it’s possible to sometimes upvote a person while disliking them. So either you’re hedging to avoid having to admit disliking me (you haven’t claimed not to dislike me, you’ve only said that’s not the “issue” and that I don’t have the right data to assume it), or there’s some additional phenomenon going on besides our voting behavior, or we’re talking past each other and mean different things by “like”, “don’t like”, and “dislike”.
The word ‘defence’ made me blink.
I am pleased to have contributed to the needed moistening of your eyes. Remember, without tear ducts, we would soon be blind.
Of course liking a person is separate from evaluation of their comments—at least I hope people here act that way! What I dispute is this insinuation that my treatment of you is evidence of having built up some personal or emotional “dislike” of you, as opposed to a clear-headed reaction to the merit of your posts.
I also strongly dispute your suggestion of symmetry: I do not use the voting system as a tool to “get back” at you during disputes, while the evidence suggests that you do start modding me down even when your objectivity has clearly been compromised and therefore when your voting is disinformative to others.
Yes, yes, there’s no rule against modding down someone you just got into a flamewar with or who offended your honor and I’m a masochist for employing such restraint, blah blah blah. Nevertheless, I am clearly treating you better than you treat me, so if anything, you should be appreciative of my actions and not characterize them as some kind of mistreatment.
I love how on this site you say “your voting is disinformative to others” instead of “voting me down because you’re a cowardly jerkface”.
This is, um, far from obvious.
I’m going to start ignoring you now. Please leave me alone.
Very well, I will leave you alone, though I’ll still comment in top-level posts you start. But at this point I’m very much interested in resolving our differences, which I think would be better for both of us. Please let me know if you’re interested in chatting things over in the (cyber-)presence of a neutral mediator.
And my karma is now in free-fall...
Oh sorry, that was probably me. I spent the past couple of weeks almost dying of an infection, so didn’t have time to read much of Lw; I just caught up on recent comments. I wouldn’t doubt that I’d downvoted a bunch of your comments in fairly quick succession.
No need to apologize. Gotta feel noble, after all.
My pleasure.
Reopening this.
I’m going to be terribly presumptuous and declare this closed for the time being =P
Yes, this ^^
Who knew Bell’s inequalities were so romantic?
I may be slightly biased but this website is awesome.
Never mind :(
This thread will be an excellent resource for your future biographers.
For any future biographers eagerly following this thread to learn of Alicorn’s relationship history, we got back together on July 30th at 9:30 PM PDT, when her plane landed.
For any present day folk (especially those in/around Berkeley) eagerly following this thread in order to learn when/whether it is appropriate to hit on Alicorn: go for it =)
Further update for future biographers: we got married on September 21st at the UC Berkeley botanical garden, Kenzi officiated and YVain gave a toast =)
And our first child, Merlin Miles Blume, was born October 12th, 2016 =)
You might want to link “a toast” to http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/09/22/ssc-gives-a-wedding-speech/
Given that the date on this comment is August 15, and that to the best of my knowledge Alicorn currently lives in North Carolina...is this a message from the future?
(If so, we certainly know why there are biographers involved—in which case they probably read all this before it was posted.)
Yeah… I fail at months =/
(edited now, but my comment used to read August 30th)
I do not currently live in North Carolina. I currently live in Berkeley.
*updates location field*
I’m glad it’s useful =/
How soon do you turn 21? Are you in or near Amherst? I’m looking to add players to our trivia night team (Tuesdays at the Harp) and you’re welcome to join us.
This year is what I have heard called a “champagne birthday”—I turn 21 on the 21st. However, Tuesdays are freakishly busy for me. I am on campus for thirteen hours straight and when I get home after my last class I go directly to bed. Sorry =/
Upvoted for trying to solve the OP problem, and likewise for Alicorn’s comment.
Selling kisses for Karma. Form a queue behind Alicorn.
ETA: Err, that seems even less relevant when I look at Recent Comments. I hope the proceeds my amorously entrepreneurial problem solving offsets any distracting irritation!
20-year-old non-smoking male with proper world-saving ambitions here. I’m in New York and a minimum of an hour and a half from anywhere in MA; not sure if you’d consider that commuting distance.
Are you going to the Singularity Summit?
What counts as commuting distance, if you don’t actually live in my town (Amherst), is up to you: I don’t have a car (or indeed a driver’s license), so the burden of transit is going to mostly not fall on me. I’m not going to the Singularity Summit because I am poor and it is far away and I hate traveling.
Do you go to Hampshire by some chance?
UMass.