Wow, great summation. Thanks for the new insights.
I’ll add to this that the PUA are isn’t the only place that language gets used differently in different cultural contexts.
I mentioned in a previous comment that I’d read a book (“Hardball for women”) about grokking the business culture—and that also has a number of terms where men and women say the same words and the pictures in their heads are quite different.
The example I recall most is the well worn “be a team player” concept.
Speaking in pure generalities, men use that phrase and think of, say, a sports team—where the coach calls the plays, and everybody that “gets behind it” (ie agrees enthusiastically, no matter what) is considered a good team player. Everybody is trying to win, and the coach sets the rules because the way to win is often to present a united front.
Whereas women often think of the more open-ended games they’re used to—eg “playing house”—where there is no coach, and telling other people what to do is looked on as bad form (you’re considered a bit of a bitch). You are a good “team player” if you are good at co-constructing a reality with the other players so that everybody’s needs are satisfied.
This story was another of my “aha” moments—because my boss had been telling me I’d not “been a team player” because I’d tell him if I found fault in something he’d planned… whereas I’d thought I’d been an exemplary team payer because I’d been supportive of my colleagues and helped them with their work when they were under particularly tight pressure.
...sometimes we don’t even realise we have a different culture—because it’s obscured by the blanket of words.
Wow, great summation. Thanks for the new insights.
I’ll add to this that the PUA are isn’t the only place that language gets used differently in different cultural contexts.
I mentioned in a previous comment that I’d read a book (“Hardball for women”) about grokking the business culture—and that also has a number of terms where men and women say the same words and the pictures in their heads are quite different.
The example I recall most is the well worn “be a team player” concept.
Speaking in pure generalities, men use that phrase and think of, say, a sports team—where the coach calls the plays, and everybody that “gets behind it” (ie agrees enthusiastically, no matter what) is considered a good team player. Everybody is trying to win, and the coach sets the rules because the way to win is often to present a united front.
Whereas women often think of the more open-ended games they’re used to—eg “playing house”—where there is no coach, and telling other people what to do is looked on as bad form (you’re considered a bit of a bitch). You are a good “team player” if you are good at co-constructing a reality with the other players so that everybody’s needs are satisfied.
This story was another of my “aha” moments—because my boss had been telling me I’d not “been a team player” because I’d tell him if I found fault in something he’d planned… whereas I’d thought I’d been an exemplary team payer because I’d been supportive of my colleagues and helped them with their work when they were under particularly tight pressure.
...sometimes we don’t even realise we have a different culture—because it’s obscured by the blanket of words.