For pep talks, I dislike them because they rely on the “I have this image of you” approach. The motivator is trying to get you to think they think you’re great—if you don’t agree, you will want to live up to the expectation regardless, as the alternative is disappointment, and disappointment hurts. For me, this gets me thinking about ways to win, which gets me back to my thoughts about not being very good, and thus the cycle is reinforced. I might try harder, but I won’t feel good about it, and I’ll feel paralyzed quickly, once it becomes apparent that whatever extra effort I’ve tried putting in hasn’t elevated me to “great” and that disappointment is inevitable.
For me, positive pep talks (as opposed to those I see in military movies but never experienced myself, where people are told they’re spineless trash and elevated from there) end up having a negative effect when the motivator (the fear of disappointing someone who believes in you) punishes me emotionally before the effort is actually over. Of course, this probably stems from the fact that, as you point out, few people would actually believe someone praising them and change their self-appraisal just based on that; thus, we end up trying to fulfill expectations without believing that we can.
My model of pep talks is quite different. I assume that the pep talker is trying to give an infusion of motivation so that they can wind me up and not need to push any more.
For pep talks, I dislike them because they rely on the “I have this image of you” approach. The motivator is trying to get you to think they think you’re great—if you don’t agree, you will want to live up to the expectation regardless, as the alternative is disappointment, and disappointment hurts. For me, this gets me thinking about ways to win, which gets me back to my thoughts about not being very good, and thus the cycle is reinforced. I might try harder, but I won’t feel good about it, and I’ll feel paralyzed quickly, once it becomes apparent that whatever extra effort I’ve tried putting in hasn’t elevated me to “great” and that disappointment is inevitable.
For me, positive pep talks (as opposed to those I see in military movies but never experienced myself, where people are told they’re spineless trash and elevated from there) end up having a negative effect when the motivator (the fear of disappointing someone who believes in you) punishes me emotionally before the effort is actually over. Of course, this probably stems from the fact that, as you point out, few people would actually believe someone praising them and change their self-appraisal just based on that; thus, we end up trying to fulfill expectations without believing that we can.
My model of pep talks is quite different. I assume that the pep talker is trying to give an infusion of motivation so that they can wind me up and not need to push any more.