I just noticed a thing happen in me when giving criticism. I gave criticism in a context where it seemed like appropriate to give criticism, but there was maybe not complete common knowledge of this fact. The person I was talking to then apologized for the thing I criticized. The apology made me doubt the appropriateness of the criticism.
I think this is because it felt like the apology set up a frame where my criticism was coming along with a bid for change or at least acknowledgment.
It seems to me like it might be hard to criticize because criticism comes along with an implied bid for change, and it is scary to make bids that might get rejected, and so it can be useful to try to set up an context where there is common knowledge that the criticism does not automatically come along with a bid. Further, it feels like apology might interfere with this context.
As concrete advice, it seems like (maybe) thanking someone for criticism can serve the same politeness role as apology, while preserving a context in criticism does not automatically feel like it comes with a bid.
I just noticed a thing happen in me when giving criticism. I gave criticism in a context where it seemed like appropriate to give criticism, but there was maybe not complete common knowledge of this fact. The person I was talking to then apologized for the thing I criticized. The apology made me doubt the appropriateness of the criticism.
I think this is because it felt like the apology set up a frame where my criticism was coming along with a bid for change or at least acknowledgment.
It seems to me like it might be hard to criticize because criticism comes along with an implied bid for change, and it is scary to make bids that might get rejected, and so it can be useful to try to set up an context where there is common knowledge that the criticism does not automatically come along with a bid. Further, it feels like apology might interfere with this context.
As concrete advice, it seems like (maybe) thanking someone for criticism can serve the same politeness role as apology, while preserving a context in criticism does not automatically feel like it comes with a bid.