One way I think about things. Everything that I’ve found in myself and close friends that looks and smells like “shoulds” is sorta sneaky. I keep on finding shoulds which seem have been absorbed from others and are less about “this is a good way to get a thing in the world that I want” and “someone said you need to follow this path and I need them to approve of me”. The force I feel behind my shoulds is normally “You SCREWED if you don’t!” a sort of vaguely panicy, inflexible energy. It’s rarely connected to the actual good qualities of the thing I “should” be doing.
Because my shoulds normally ground out in “if I’m not this way, people won’t like me”, if the pressure get’s turned up, following a should takes me farther and farther away from things I actually care about. Unblocking stuff often feels like transcending the panicy fear that hides behind a should. It never immediately lets me be awesome at stuff. I still need to develop a real connection to the task and how it works into the rest of my life. There’s still drudgery, but it’s dealt with from a calmer place.
One way I think about things. Everything that I’ve found in myself and close friends that looks and smells like “shoulds” is sorta sneaky. I keep on finding shoulds which seem have been absorbed from others and are less about “this is a good way to get a thing in the world that I want” and “someone said you need to follow this path and I need them to approve of me”. The force I feel behind my shoulds is normally “You SCREWED if you don’t!” a sort of vaguely panicy, inflexible energy. It’s rarely connected to the actual good qualities of the thing I “should” be doing.
Because my shoulds normally ground out in “if I’m not this way, people won’t like me”, if the pressure get’s turned up, following a should takes me farther and farther away from things I actually care about. Unblocking stuff often feels like transcending the panicy fear that hides behind a should. It never immediately lets me be awesome at stuff. I still need to develop a real connection to the task and how it works into the rest of my life. There’s still drudgery, but it’s dealt with from a calmer place.
Yes I can relate to this!