If your point is that going on about evolutionary psychology adds to the obfuscation but not to the insensitivity, I disagree. There are often ways of more or less sensitively coming clean about (what one takes to be) one’s true reasons for breaking up. Maybe you wouldn’t go so specific as “you’re too fat,” but you could talk about lack of physical chemistry or whatever without uttering a falsehood or being too misunderstood. But there is no way of sensitively taking your devastated ex aside and handing him/her a Tooby and Cosmides paper to read for homework.
If your point is that going on about evolutionary psychology adds to the obfuscation but not to the insensitivity, I disagree.
It could go either way. Digression into a bunch of theory and science impersonalizes things as well as focussing on ‘me’ instead of ‘you’ The main problem with getting into a big speel on science is that it increases the total time spent dwelling on the painfully negative topic. The fact that it is talking about the science isn’t the insulting part.
There are often ways of more or less sensitively coming clean about (what one takes to be) one’s true reasons for breaking up. Maybe you wouldn’t go so specific as “you’re too fat,” but you could talk about lack of physical chemistry or whatever without uttering a falsehood or being too misunderstood.
Talking about ‘lack of physical chemistry’ is less insulting by virtue of being a vague pre-packaged euphemism rather than brutally personal criticism of highly status-sensitive personal features. It seems to be an entirely different kind of difference to whether you mention evolutionary psychology or not.
Digression into a bunch of theory and science impersonalizes things as well as focussing on ‘me’ instead of ‘you’
Not really. Any evolutionary explanation of why I am repulsed by your physical appearance is going to spend a lot of time dwelling on your physical appearance. And I think the impersonalization bit is the key—it is a ridiculously impersonal digression at a moment of extreme emotional vulnerability on the other person’s part. Most people will interpret impersonal explanations of this sort of emotionally impactful decision as an extremely cold-hearted way of excusing oneself. “I’m sorry I’ve just hurt your feelings. But allow me to explain how this is all just the work of the forces of sexual selection in our ancestral environment...”
If your point is that going on about evolutionary psychology adds to the obfuscation but not to the insensitivity, I disagree. There are often ways of more or less sensitively coming clean about (what one takes to be) one’s true reasons for breaking up. Maybe you wouldn’t go so specific as “you’re too fat,” but you could talk about lack of physical chemistry or whatever without uttering a falsehood or being too misunderstood. But there is no way of sensitively taking your devastated ex aside and handing him/her a Tooby and Cosmides paper to read for homework.
It could go either way. Digression into a bunch of theory and science impersonalizes things as well as focussing on ‘me’ instead of ‘you’ The main problem with getting into a big speel on science is that it increases the total time spent dwelling on the painfully negative topic. The fact that it is talking about the science isn’t the insulting part.
Talking about ‘lack of physical chemistry’ is less insulting by virtue of being a vague pre-packaged euphemism rather than brutally personal criticism of highly status-sensitive personal features. It seems to be an entirely different kind of difference to whether you mention evolutionary psychology or not.
Not really. Any evolutionary explanation of why I am repulsed by your physical appearance is going to spend a lot of time dwelling on your physical appearance. And I think the impersonalization bit is the key—it is a ridiculously impersonal digression at a moment of extreme emotional vulnerability on the other person’s part. Most people will interpret impersonal explanations of this sort of emotionally impactful decision as an extremely cold-hearted way of excusing oneself. “I’m sorry I’ve just hurt your feelings. But allow me to explain how this is all just the work of the forces of sexual selection in our ancestral environment...”
I’m completely and utterly aghast at how some LW members can’t see it this way.
We have a straightforward disagreement with respect to both the conclusion and most of the details.