I post this here because it is the more recent topic, and I guess the chances you find and answer to my comment are higher:
In a comment to Alicorn’s experiences with polyhacking, you write that one of the perks of polyamory is that you don’t have to constantly smother your attraction to many, many women.
Seeing how the cultural norm is still monogamy, and it would be quite hypocritical to date a woman with such preferences despite your own feelings on the subject matter, doesn’t that limit your pool of potential partners more than what would be available to a serial monogamist or someone who just cheats his main partner?
Sure, if your pool of potential partners is randomly sampled from the entire population. In practice, nobody’s pool of potential partners is selected thusly; you seek out pools, as it were, and so you can seek out polygamous groups so that your pool of potential partners contains many polygamists (and monogamish-ists?).
My experience totally differs, most relationships in my circle of acquaintances and my family were formed because of preexisting common interests/hobbies/whatever that are shared by the two eventual partners. (“People who play tennis together”, “People who finished college at the same school in the same year”, “People frequently attending events of the same fraternity”, etc.). Yes, it’s not totally random, but the subsets you get are still likely to contain people with very different personalities, attitudes and interests. I admit that this is only from my own observations, and that this is perhaps caused by cultural and environmental differences (I’m from a moderately traditional german family).
But assuming for the moment your model is correct, Lukeprog would still have to smother his attraction to the many woman who aren’t polyamourous. So it doesn’t really help in that respect, does it?
Oh! I see what you mean; my previous comment is based on a misunderstanding. As a monogamous person, Lukeprof would have to smother his attraction the many women he wasn’t currently dating. In this respect, entering into a monogamous relationship closes off all the other monogamous women in much the same way that being polyamorous closes them off.
I post this here because it is the more recent topic, and I guess the chances you find and answer to my comment are higher: In a comment to Alicorn’s experiences with polyhacking, you write that one of the perks of polyamory is that you don’t have to constantly smother your attraction to many, many women.
Seeing how the cultural norm is still monogamy, and it would be quite hypocritical to date a woman with such preferences despite your own feelings on the subject matter, doesn’t that limit your pool of potential partners more than what would be available to a serial monogamist or someone who just cheats his main partner?
Sure, if your pool of potential partners is randomly sampled from the entire population. In practice, nobody’s pool of potential partners is selected thusly; you seek out pools, as it were, and so you can seek out polygamous groups so that your pool of potential partners contains many polygamists (and monogamish-ists?).
My experience totally differs, most relationships in my circle of acquaintances and my family were formed because of preexisting common interests/hobbies/whatever that are shared by the two eventual partners. (“People who play tennis together”, “People who finished college at the same school in the same year”, “People frequently attending events of the same fraternity”, etc.). Yes, it’s not totally random, but the subsets you get are still likely to contain people with very different personalities, attitudes and interests. I admit that this is only from my own observations, and that this is perhaps caused by cultural and environmental differences (I’m from a moderately traditional german family).
But assuming for the moment your model is correct, Lukeprog would still have to smother his attraction to the many woman who aren’t polyamourous. So it doesn’t really help in that respect, does it?
Oh! I see what you mean; my previous comment is based on a misunderstanding. As a monogamous person, Lukeprof would have to smother his attraction the many women he wasn’t currently dating. In this respect, entering into a monogamous relationship closes off all the other monogamous women in much the same way that being polyamorous closes them off.