A: “there was only one thing you could have done, and you did it”
B: “this specific thing that you might in theory have done, was practically unavailable to you”
?
To me, this conversation feels like… you said you tell people B, and I said that seems very different from A to me, and now you’re saying you tell people A? And I’m not sure if you’re saying that to clarify “oh, no, I don’t tell people B, I tell them A”, or because you don’t see the distinction I’m trying to draw, or what. I’m not really sure where to go from here.
I’ll say that A is the thing that feels to me like lying to people, in that it seems true but only in an irrelevant sense. This comment might help clarify?
“You couldnt even have changed them, because you didnt have this thought process/coaching session/emotional state, etc.” is ambiguously either A or B. And I often explain it as A.
But “you didn’t have this thought process/coaching session/emotional state, etc.” isn’t a crux for A, right? I feel like if what you mean is A, then giving that reason is violating a norm of communication, and so it doesn’t particularly feel ambiguous between A and B to me.
But, okay, thanks. I think I see what you’re saying.
This is a tangent, but I’m curious if you agree with me that telling people A feels like lying to make them feel better? (No need to try and justify it or anything if so.)
To me the argument is:
You literally couldn’t have done anything different in the past.
But you can IMAGINE what you would have done differently in the past in order to affect the future.
I will often invoke the idea that you literally did the best you could at the time when walking people through this.
Um. So do you not see a big difference between
A: “there was only one thing you could have done, and you did it”
B: “this specific thing that you might in theory have done, was practically unavailable to you”
?
To me, this conversation feels like… you said you tell people B, and I said that seems very different from A to me, and now you’re saying you tell people A? And I’m not sure if you’re saying that to clarify “oh, no, I don’t tell people B, I tell them A”, or because you don’t see the distinction I’m trying to draw, or what. I’m not really sure where to go from here.
I’ll say that A is the thing that feels to me like lying to people, in that it seems true but only in an irrelevant sense. This comment might help clarify?
“You couldnt even have changed them, because you didnt have this thought process/coaching session/emotional state, etc.” is ambiguously either A or B. And I often explain it as A.
But “you didn’t have this thought process/coaching session/emotional state, etc.” isn’t a crux for A, right? I feel like if what you mean is A, then giving that reason is violating a norm of communication, and so it doesn’t particularly feel ambiguous between A and B to me.
But, okay, thanks. I think I see what you’re saying.
This is a tangent, but I’m curious if you agree with me that telling people A feels like lying to make them feel better? (No need to try and justify it or anything if so.)
No, it definitely isn’t lying.