I’m not sure what you mean. We can always be nice. You could compliment your torturer on his technique until you draw your last breath. When should we stop sacrificing forthrightness for niceness, in your opinion?
Oh, I see what happened. There is an implicature you missed. But you’re right, it’s kind of confusing. How about this: “Are we really not capable of being nice and forthright when possible and forthright when we can’t be both?”
You can often give criticism and be nice. We should do that whenever possible. If it isn’t possible to share the criticism without being mean then, by all means, be mean. Being nice is a good thing. But it isn’t as important as sharing criticism. So don’t sacrifice the latter for the former.
Are we really not capable of being nice and forthright when possible and forthright when we can’t be nice?
I think some people aren’t capable of this, actually. I think some people find it extremely difficult to formulate forthright criticism after the “be nice” ethos has been driven into them and the community they’re part of.
This hypothesis (“some people find it extremely difficult, etc.”) seems awfully vague to me, i.e. hard to disprove.
Can you give an example of a community which comprises such people, who find it difficult to criticize others because “the ‘be nice’ ethos has been driven into them” ? I find that people in general will criticize others all too easily.
What I suspect—and this may be a legitimate argument against “niceness”—is that it could be slightly too convenient an excuse that someone is being “nice” to avoid criticizing themselves very harshly. As such, I can see how “being nice” could turn out to be a source of bias.
However, it would be easily countered in an individual by adopting an attitude of “be nice to others, unforgiving to myself”. This would even be compatible with Crocker’s Rules.
The one thing that might worry me (and I worry that I’ve seen it firsthand) is “niceness” as a favorable breeding ground for group self-validation.
I’m not sure what you mean. We can always be nice. You could compliment your torturer on his technique until you draw your last breath. When should we stop sacrificing forthrightness for niceness, in your opinion?
Oh, I see what happened. There is an implicature you missed. But you’re right, it’s kind of confusing. How about this: “Are we really not capable of being nice and forthright when possible and forthright when we can’t be both?”
Sorry, I still don’t understand.
Do you mean that we should be more generous with true compliments, but not hold back criticism that could hurt our interlocutor’s feelings?
You can often give criticism and be nice. We should do that whenever possible. If it isn’t possible to share the criticism without being mean then, by all means, be mean. Being nice is a good thing. But it isn’t as important as sharing criticism. So don’t sacrifice the latter for the former.
Okay, I get it. Thanks for your patience.
I think some people aren’t capable of this, actually. I think some people find it extremely difficult to formulate forthright criticism after the “be nice” ethos has been driven into them and the community they’re part of.
This hypothesis (“some people find it extremely difficult, etc.”) seems awfully vague to me, i.e. hard to disprove.
Can you give an example of a community which comprises such people, who find it difficult to criticize others because “the ‘be nice’ ethos has been driven into them” ? I find that people in general will criticize others all too easily.
What I suspect—and this may be a legitimate argument against “niceness”—is that it could be slightly too convenient an excuse that someone is being “nice” to avoid criticizing themselves very harshly. As such, I can see how “being nice” could turn out to be a source of bias.
However, it would be easily countered in an individual by adopting an attitude of “be nice to others, unforgiving to myself”. This would even be compatible with Crocker’s Rules.
The one thing that might worry me (and I worry that I’ve seen it firsthand) is “niceness” as a favorable breeding ground for group self-validation.
I think we would be better advised to address this directly than to give up on niceness.