It just astounds me in my business how many people tell me not to charge their debit cards until after their payday so that they can deposit their checks first. Apparently these people have no savings, and a $100 debit card transaction on the wrong day would throw them into a financial crisis. And I’ve had people actually say this to me.
This is a rant; probably skip it if you’re not in the mood.
I have debit cards and credit cards but high debt and no savings. I am
depressed and (because of that) have poor executive
function (i.e.,
getting-shit-done ability).
I have a job where I can work flexible hours. An obvious solution to my problem
would be to work more hours. And yet here I am not doing that!
I could also move to a place with lower rent, but that would require me to do
some combination of throwing stuff out (which is work) and getting people to
help me move my stuff to the new place (I have mobility issues that prevent me
from doing a lot of lifting things). Also, I’m hoping my current low point
won’t last forever and I kind of like my current place and would hate to move
out of it because of a hopefully temporary problem.
I could also see a therapist, but they cost money. I could also try drugs, but
they cost money and most of the ones I’ve tried so far either do nothing
(bupropion) or make things worse (paroxetine). (Except modafinil. Yay
modafinil!)
I sure feel like a dummy for being incompetent at life, but feeling that way
doesn’t actually help me not be incompetent at life.
Please, have this positive reinforcement. It was given to me when I needed it but I don’t need it anymore so I’ll pass it on.
This has happened to many of us. We’ve been in these ruts, I’ve paid for fuel with nickels and dimes because I used all my quarters on food. Shit happens, problems pile up, but if you can stabilize, that means you can crawl out of the pit. We get overloaded, we can’t fix everything at once, it feels like all the problems are too interconnected to fix.
But you are capable and have worth, so treat where you are as the temporary situation it is and start dealing with it as such. Pick a problem and address it, the first one takes time but if you have food and shelter you have time. Once that is done pick the next problem, fix it, this one will go faster. Rinse and repeat. And four years later (YMMV) your will be counting your assets for a new credit card and have the pleasant shock that they are a gross positive.
TL:DR Some people make this a way of life, some people treat it as a temporary place to be.
but feeling that way doesn’t actually help me not be incompetent at life.
In fact, it’s making you more incompetent. Knock it off.
You’re engaging in the classic “How do I hate me? Let me count the ways.” What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do this? I recall taking something of a sadistic glee in my own misfortunes and failings. I used to call it “self sadism”. And those were the good days. On the worst days, I felt powerless and hopeless. “Incompetent at life”. This is a maladaptive use of attention.
It’s neither helpful nor a good time. It generates depression. You’re using your mind and attention in ways that hurt you. Do something else.
Wouldn’t it be more fun to work and take your mind off things, and then have a little more coin in your pocket? You can always come back to making yourself miserable tomorrow. Or the next day.
Why don’t you just see if you like that kind of day better?
The following may or may not appeal to you, but when I was in a similar state, I found it very appropriate and moving. See “Sucker Punch”.
I have debit cards and credit cards but high debt and no savings.
That’s a pretty common situation. An American way of living, one might say if feeling ranty :-)
My point was simpler, though. People who “don’t earn enough to have savings” are those who will literally be thrown out into the street or will start getting malnourished if they miss a paycheck. There are enough of those people in the Third World, but they don’t have debit cards.
It just astounds me in my business how many people tell me not to charge their debit cards until after their payday so that they can deposit their checks first. Apparently these people have no savings, and a $100 debit card transaction on the wrong day would throw them into a financial crisis. And I’ve had people actually say this to me.
Some people don’t earn enough to have savings in the first place.
That’s not savings, that’s just an operational cash buffer which makes life much easier.
And I don’t believe that people with debit cards don’t earn enough to have savings. They spend too much to have savings.
This is a rant; probably skip it if you’re not in the mood.
I have debit cards and credit cards but high debt and no savings. I am depressed and (because of that) have poor executive function (i.e., getting-shit-done ability).
I have a job where I can work flexible hours. An obvious solution to my problem would be to work more hours. And yet here I am not doing that!
I could also move to a place with lower rent, but that would require me to do some combination of throwing stuff out (which is work) and getting people to help me move my stuff to the new place (I have mobility issues that prevent me from doing a lot of lifting things). Also, I’m hoping my current low point won’t last forever and I kind of like my current place and would hate to move out of it because of a hopefully temporary problem.
I could also see a therapist, but they cost money. I could also try drugs, but they cost money and most of the ones I’ve tried so far either do nothing (bupropion) or make things worse (paroxetine). (Except modafinil. Yay modafinil!)
I sure feel like a dummy for being incompetent at life, but feeling that way doesn’t actually help me not be incompetent at life.
Please, have this positive reinforcement. It was given to me when I needed it but I don’t need it anymore so I’ll pass it on.
This has happened to many of us. We’ve been in these ruts, I’ve paid for fuel with nickels and dimes because I used all my quarters on food. Shit happens, problems pile up, but if you can stabilize, that means you can crawl out of the pit. We get overloaded, we can’t fix everything at once, it feels like all the problems are too interconnected to fix.
But you are capable and have worth, so treat where you are as the temporary situation it is and start dealing with it as such. Pick a problem and address it, the first one takes time but if you have food and shelter you have time. Once that is done pick the next problem, fix it, this one will go faster. Rinse and repeat. And four years later (YMMV) your will be counting your assets for a new credit card and have the pleasant shock that they are a gross positive.
TL:DR Some people make this a way of life, some people treat it as a temporary place to be.
In fact, it’s making you more incompetent. Knock it off.
You’re engaging in the classic “How do I hate me? Let me count the ways.” What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do this? I recall taking something of a sadistic glee in my own misfortunes and failings. I used to call it “self sadism”. And those were the good days. On the worst days, I felt powerless and hopeless. “Incompetent at life”. This is a maladaptive use of attention.
It’s neither helpful nor a good time. It generates depression. You’re using your mind and attention in ways that hurt you. Do something else.
Wouldn’t it be more fun to work and take your mind off things, and then have a little more coin in your pocket? You can always come back to making yourself miserable tomorrow. Or the next day.
Why don’t you just see if you like that kind of day better?
The following may or may not appeal to you, but when I was in a similar state, I found it very appropriate and moving. See “Sucker Punch”.
That’s a pretty common situation. An American way of living, one might say if feeling ranty :-)
My point was simpler, though. People who “don’t earn enough to have savings” are those who will literally be thrown out into the street or will start getting malnourished if they miss a paycheck. There are enough of those people in the Third World, but they don’t have debit cards.