I am such a person*. I feel very lucky, but we’ve put a lot of thought and effort into our relationship. So a little from column A, and little from column C.
On partner selection, I think Dan Savage nailed it, on finding “the one”: “There ain’t no one. There’s a .67 or a .64 that you round up to one” (Although I think those are conservative numbers—shoot for a .8). More here.
My parents were also such people, and my wife’s parents have been married for a long time. I suspect, as children, we internalize relationship heuristics from our parents, but I doubt there’s anything unlearnable. Although, if these conjectures are true, and both partners are children of failed relationships, it might make it hard to navigate challanges.
Also, I think GabrielDuquette is on to something with “anti-fragile” in his post below.
* - Qualifiers: depends what you mean by “young” and “serious”. Also, we lived together/common-law for 5 years before we were “married.”
Oh, definitely, partner selection is not about finding “the one”. I do have to say, though, that Dan Savage’s outlook is much more “settley” than mine. I also think the .67 is way low, and I can’t relate to what he says about “relationships built on lies” in that video.
Since you bring it up, my parents have a terrible marriage (though they are still together) and my husband’s parents are divorced. His brother also divorced shortly after marrying. My brother had a shotgun wedding and then came close to divorce, but his marriage seems to be ok for now.
FWIW, our siblings’ success/failure ratio is 3⁄4 - I have one sibling who is having a little trouble. He was in an otherwise good relationship, but they had mismatched long-term goals, and couldn’t find a compromise. There’s a lot of variables that have to come together, and I think that’s where luck comes in...
I am such a person*. I feel very lucky, but we’ve put a lot of thought and effort into our relationship. So a little from column A, and little from column C.
On partner selection, I think Dan Savage nailed it, on finding “the one”: “There ain’t no one. There’s a .67 or a .64 that you round up to one” (Although I think those are conservative numbers—shoot for a .8). More here.
My parents were also such people, and my wife’s parents have been married for a long time. I suspect, as children, we internalize relationship heuristics from our parents, but I doubt there’s anything unlearnable. Although, if these conjectures are true, and both partners are children of failed relationships, it might make it hard to navigate challanges.
Also, I think GabrielDuquette is on to something with “anti-fragile” in his post below.
* - Qualifiers: depends what you mean by “young” and “serious”. Also, we lived together/common-law for 5 years before we were “married.”
What a clever quote? Do you have it in verbatim? I’d like to recite it elsewhere.
Oh, definitely, partner selection is not about finding “the one”. I do have to say, though, that Dan Savage’s outlook is much more “settley” than mine. I also think the .67 is way low, and I can’t relate to what he says about “relationships built on lies” in that video.
Since you bring it up, my parents have a terrible marriage (though they are still together) and my husband’s parents are divorced. His brother also divorced shortly after marrying. My brother had a shotgun wedding and then came close to divorce, but his marriage seems to be ok for now.
Ya, “lies and deceit” seem a bit hyperbolic.
FWIW, our siblings’ success/failure ratio is 3⁄4 - I have one sibling who is having a little trouble. He was in an otherwise good relationship, but they had mismatched long-term goals, and couldn’t find a compromise. There’s a lot of variables that have to come together, and I think that’s where luck comes in...