Could you give a specific example of a terminal value failing to fit reality, and what abandoning it/changing it to fit reality would look like?
I can answer what I think is the spirit of this question. I’ve been playing along with the “terminal value” frame, but honestly I think it confuses things. Rather than trying to stick to the formal idea of a terminal value in humans, I’ll just point at what I’m talking about.
One example: deconversion. If you believe in God and love Him and this brings you tremendous meaning and orientation in your life, dare you take seriously the arguments that He doesn’t exist? Dare you even look? This isn’t just a matter of flipping a mental “god_exists” Boolean variable from “true” to “false”; for many people this can be on the level of losing God’s love and approval, and like the very force of gravity is no longer His will but is instead some kind of dead monstrosity. That’s something you risk if you’re more interested in truth than in being close to Him. What in you would need to shift so that your inner answer is “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, let me see the truth”?
Another example: breaking up with a friend. Maybe you’ve known someone since childhood… but some of this Drama Triangle stuff starts to click and you see that actually everything about your connection is based on (say) them Rescuing you and you playing Victim. When you try to talk to them about this, they brush it off, maybe even playing the Victim card themselves (“I just care about you! Don’t you appreciate all that I do for you?”). You could just keep playing along… or you could notice that you’re actually a “no” for playing this dynamic with anyone anymore, even your old friend. But maybe there’s nothing deeper than the Drama dynamic, and maybe they won’t be available for building something more. So what do you do? What resource in you do you call upon in order to choose to prefer truth even to this long-standing friendship? Are you willing to grieve, and have your old friend feel hurt at you (the shift to Persecutor), and practice standing your ground (i.e., deepening your devotion to truth)? Or do you cherish things as they are more than you want to recognize the deeper truth?
This stuff shows up in a thousand different ways, and my experience is that the more refined my “truth sight” becomes the more micro-level these little opportunities appear. Like, as I write this, is each keystroke devotional? Or am I focused more on making sure I answer your question than I am on whether it’s true for me to do so? What in me do I need to acknowledge and let go of in order to have each breath be married to reality?
Reply part 2:
I can answer what I think is the spirit of this question. I’ve been playing along with the “terminal value” frame, but honestly I think it confuses things. Rather than trying to stick to the formal idea of a terminal value in humans, I’ll just point at what I’m talking about.
One example: deconversion. If you believe in God and love Him and this brings you tremendous meaning and orientation in your life, dare you take seriously the arguments that He doesn’t exist? Dare you even look? This isn’t just a matter of flipping a mental “god_exists” Boolean variable from “true” to “false”; for many people this can be on the level of losing God’s love and approval, and like the very force of gravity is no longer His will but is instead some kind of dead monstrosity. That’s something you risk if you’re more interested in truth than in being close to Him. What in you would need to shift so that your inner answer is “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes, let me see the truth”?
Another example: breaking up with a friend. Maybe you’ve known someone since childhood… but some of this Drama Triangle stuff starts to click and you see that actually everything about your connection is based on (say) them Rescuing you and you playing Victim. When you try to talk to them about this, they brush it off, maybe even playing the Victim card themselves (“I just care about you! Don’t you appreciate all that I do for you?”). You could just keep playing along… or you could notice that you’re actually a “no” for playing this dynamic with anyone anymore, even your old friend. But maybe there’s nothing deeper than the Drama dynamic, and maybe they won’t be available for building something more. So what do you do? What resource in you do you call upon in order to choose to prefer truth even to this long-standing friendship? Are you willing to grieve, and have your old friend feel hurt at you (the shift to Persecutor), and practice standing your ground (i.e., deepening your devotion to truth)? Or do you cherish things as they are more than you want to recognize the deeper truth?
This stuff shows up in a thousand different ways, and my experience is that the more refined my “truth sight” becomes the more micro-level these little opportunities appear. Like, as I write this, is each keystroke devotional? Or am I focused more on making sure I answer your question than I am on whether it’s true for me to do so? What in me do I need to acknowledge and let go of in order to have each breath be married to reality?
Does this answer your question?
Yes, this feels much clearer now, thank you.
Quite welcome. Glad that helped. :-)