I think you will find the idea that polyamorous dating enviroments are easier for people with poor social skills mistaken. [...] emotional management skills such as not getting jealous...
People’s sensitivities to jealousy seem to vary enormously, and AFAICT don’t correlate particularly well with position on the autism spectrum or introspective ability. So you can dodge this problem, if you’re lucky. On the other hand, I’ve seen a failure mode where people with poor introspective skills talk themselves into believing they’re insensitive to jealousy when the opposite is true; this almost always ends poorly. Don’t assume.
Even if you’re low on that scale, though, poly typically demands time management and communication skills that mono relationships don’t. There’s a reason for all the spreadsheet jokes in the community.
On the other hand, I’ve seen a failure mode where people with poor introspective skills talk themselves into believing they’re insensitive to jealousy when the opposite is true
Talking yourself into it is relatively easy. Talking a woman into it when you yourself have poor social skills isn’t. A poly-woman usually wants to avoid the situation where she causes a man that gets to much attached to her serious pain.
I’ve seen it happen at least twice. In both cases the problem became evident a few months into the relationship, but by that point most of the damage had already been done.
I actually think that poor social skills there may have made the problem more likely, by masking as simple awkwardness what in a more socially adept partner would correctly have been seen as jealousy. Don’t know how far that generalizes, though.
People’s sensitivities to jealousy seem to vary enormously, and AFAICT don’t correlate particularly well with position on the autism spectrum or introspective ability. So you can dodge this problem, if you’re lucky. On the other hand, I’ve seen a failure mode where people with poor introspective skills talk themselves into believing they’re insensitive to jealousy when the opposite is true; this almost always ends poorly. Don’t assume.
Even if you’re low on that scale, though, poly typically demands time management and communication skills that mono relationships don’t. There’s a reason for all the spreadsheet jokes in the community.
Talking yourself into it is relatively easy. Talking a woman into it when you yourself have poor social skills isn’t. A poly-woman usually wants to avoid the situation where she causes a man that gets to much attached to her serious pain.
I’ve seen it happen at least twice. In both cases the problem became evident a few months into the relationship, but by that point most of the damage had already been done.
I actually think that poor social skills there may have made the problem more likely, by masking as simple awkwardness what in a more socially adept partner would correctly have been seen as jealousy. Don’t know how far that generalizes, though.