For me it works in two steps:
1) Notice something that someone would appreciate.
2) Do it for them.
As seems to often be the case with rationality techniques, the hard part is noticing. I’m a Christian, so I try to spend a few minutes praying for my friends each day. Besides the religious reasons, which may or may not matter to you, I believe it puts me in the right frame of mind to want to help others. A non-religious time of focused meditation might serve a similar purpose.
I’ve also worked on developing my listening skills. Friends frequently mention things that they like or dislike, and I make a special effort to remember them. I also occasionally write them down, although I try not to mention that too often. For most people, there’s a stronger signaling effect if they think you just happened to remember what they liked.
You seem to be talking about what I would call sympathy, rather than empathy. As I would use it, sympathy is caring about how others feel, and empathy is the ability to (emotionally) sense how others feel. The former is in fine enough state—I am an EA, after all—it’s the latter that needs work. Your step (1) could be done via empathy or pattern recognition or plain listening and remembering as you say. So I’m sorry, but this doesn’t really help.
Could you explain how? My empathy is pretty weak and could use some boosting.
For me it works in two steps: 1) Notice something that someone would appreciate. 2) Do it for them.
As seems to often be the case with rationality techniques, the hard part is noticing. I’m a Christian, so I try to spend a few minutes praying for my friends each day. Besides the religious reasons, which may or may not matter to you, I believe it puts me in the right frame of mind to want to help others. A non-religious time of focused meditation might serve a similar purpose.
I’ve also worked on developing my listening skills. Friends frequently mention things that they like or dislike, and I make a special effort to remember them. I also occasionally write them down, although I try not to mention that too often. For most people, there’s a stronger signaling effect if they think you just happened to remember what they liked.
You seem to be talking about what I would call sympathy, rather than empathy. As I would use it, sympathy is caring about how others feel, and empathy is the ability to (emotionally) sense how others feel. The former is in fine enough state—I am an EA, after all—it’s the latter that needs work. Your step (1) could be done via empathy or pattern recognition or plain listening and remembering as you say. So I’m sorry, but this doesn’t really help.