Most people “have to” brush their teeth before going to bed, “have to” eat at a set time (or when they get hungry), and “have to” grab for the seatbelt as soon as they sit down in the car. Many “have to” make their bed in the morning, or write in their journal, etc.
This is something I’ve never experienced, nor has it ever occurred to me that it might be the case. To use the tooth brushing example: for me, that happens every night only because it’s part of the “Getting ready for bed” mental checklist. I’d like to share that checklist along with some annotations. It takes between 30 and 45 minutes from start to finish. This checklist began life some 20 years ago and has been carefully sculpted over that time to accommodate my own changing needs, as well as those of my partner and our relationship.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting you need to adopt this checklist or anything like it; rather I want to share a very mature and complex habit of mine that accomplishes many varied goals, and the performance of which now feels very continuous and normal to me. After this long, each item has been coordinated to flow neatly into the next, and each moves me closer to the goal of being asleep in bed by a certain time. Of course, I can’t always control that time, but I try to keep it within an hour of standard for health reasons. This checklist is one part of a larger but somewhat looser script that actually starts at dinner time and ends when my alarm goes off in the morning.
On occasion, I have skipped this entire process, falling asleep in whatever situation the evening leaves me in. I don’t recall ever being disturbed by this happening, but I do notice that I tend to feel a bit gross and groggy the next morning. Specifically, I deliberately notice that so that I remember that feeling if I ever get the idea that “I can skip it, just this once”. That way I have something to hold against the urge to make what I already know are poor choices for me.
Getting ready for bed
This list begins as soon as I notice it is after 20:30, and ends when I am in bed with the lights out.
Verbally prod partner into action. This promotes a more regular bedtime.
Locate cat and take her upstairs to the bathroom. Hold cat patiently while partner brushes cat’s teeth and fur. We keep the cat’s brush and toothbrush in the bathroom mostly because that’s where the next part of the checklist will need to be performed, and also because that’s where our toothbrushes live anyway.
Brush teeth using tools set on the sink for that purpose: If I don’t keep all the steps of tooth brushing visible, I usually forget to do it. e.g. When I run out of floss, it can be a week before I remember to get out a new spool if I don’t do so immediately.
Toothbrush
Floss
Gum Stimulator
Toilet and wash
Check that small child is sleeping peacefully. No longer strictly necessary (he’s five years old now and unlikely to forget to breathe or something), but it makes me happy to watch him sleep for a few seconds each night.
Move to bedroom and get dressed for bed. I have chosen to wear clothes during the day that are impractical and/or uncomfortable to sleep in. The goal here is to make sure I change my shirt and underwear every day.
Sit for 5-10 minutes of meditation. I use the Ten Percent Happier app for guided meditations in this time slot. The app can remind me if I forget, and there is a daily featured meditation if I’m not feeling up to choosing. The reason for this step is complicated, but can be summarised as “meditation is ridiculously beneficial to my cognitive functioning”.
Read aloud to partner for a few minutes. This is for the benefit of the relationship, and helps my partner unwind before bed.
Hair maintenance. My partner brushes and braids my hair before bed. This has combined relationship and hygiene benefits such as giving me a reason to wash the hair occasionally.
Make the bed suitable for sleeping in. I’ve heard some people do this in the morning! LOL
This is something I’ve never experienced, nor has it ever occurred to me that it might be the case. To use the tooth brushing example: for me, that happens every night only because it’s part of the “Getting ready for bed” mental checklist. I’d like to share that checklist along with some annotations. It takes between 30 and 45 minutes from start to finish. This checklist began life some 20 years ago and has been carefully sculpted over that time to accommodate my own changing needs, as well as those of my partner and our relationship.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting you need to adopt this checklist or anything like it; rather I want to share a very mature and complex habit of mine that accomplishes many varied goals, and the performance of which now feels very continuous and normal to me. After this long, each item has been coordinated to flow neatly into the next, and each moves me closer to the goal of being asleep in bed by a certain time. Of course, I can’t always control that time, but I try to keep it within an hour of standard for health reasons. This checklist is one part of a larger but somewhat looser script that actually starts at dinner time and ends when my alarm goes off in the morning.
On occasion, I have skipped this entire process, falling asleep in whatever situation the evening leaves me in. I don’t recall ever being disturbed by this happening, but I do notice that I tend to feel a bit gross and groggy the next morning. Specifically, I deliberately notice that so that I remember that feeling if I ever get the idea that “I can skip it, just this once”. That way I have something to hold against the urge to make what I already know are poor choices for me.
Getting ready for bed
This list begins as soon as I notice it is after 20:30, and ends when I am in bed with the lights out.
Verbally prod partner into action. This promotes a more regular bedtime.
Locate cat and take her upstairs to the bathroom. Hold cat patiently while partner brushes cat’s teeth and fur. We keep the cat’s brush and toothbrush in the bathroom mostly because that’s where the next part of the checklist will need to be performed, and also because that’s where our toothbrushes live anyway.
Brush teeth using tools set on the sink for that purpose: If I don’t keep all the steps of tooth brushing visible, I usually forget to do it. e.g. When I run out of floss, it can be a week before I remember to get out a new spool if I don’t do so immediately.
Toothbrush
Floss
Gum Stimulator
Toilet and wash
Check that small child is sleeping peacefully. No longer strictly necessary (he’s five years old now and unlikely to forget to breathe or something), but it makes me happy to watch him sleep for a few seconds each night.
Move to bedroom and get dressed for bed. I have chosen to wear clothes during the day that are impractical and/or uncomfortable to sleep in. The goal here is to make sure I change my shirt and underwear every day.
Sit for 5-10 minutes of meditation. I use the Ten Percent Happier app for guided meditations in this time slot. The app can remind me if I forget, and there is a daily featured meditation if I’m not feeling up to choosing. The reason for this step is complicated, but can be summarised as “meditation is ridiculously beneficial to my cognitive functioning”.
Read aloud to partner for a few minutes. This is for the benefit of the relationship, and helps my partner unwind before bed.
Hair maintenance. My partner brushes and braids my hair before bed. This has combined relationship and hygiene benefits such as giving me a reason to wash the hair occasionally.
Make the bed suitable for sleeping in. I’ve heard some people do this in the morning! LOL
Lights out and sleep