Intense experiences will mess with you. I’ve had a similar thing happen, but unfortunately it went the other way. I found myself praying to “the probably nonexistent simulator ‘god’” to make it unhappen. It wasn’t that I secretly alieved it’d help, or had a “religious part” or anything like that. It’s just that the reality was too damn horrible to accept, so my brain was desperately searching for solutions to make it all okay and going way down the search results. I never actually alieved it—It still felt completely hopeless. It’s just that when the stakes are really high, you don’t give up so easy.
Similarly, I don’t think it’s any religious part that’s been in hiding in your head. It’s just that you were anticipating a big loss, so when things turn out okay, you really appreciate it. It turned out okay when it “could have” turned out not okay, and you’re thankful that it did.
It’s expected and normal. Shrugging off a serious close call wouldn’t be taking it seriously enough, and just saying “I should be more careful” before moving on won’t make you more careful, so don’t try to suppress it. Instead embrace the emotions that come up and sort things out until they’re satisfied. Look in depth into the question of “could I have done something to prevent that?”. When you’ve traveled far enough down the search tree that you feel satisfied and you’ve done what you need to do to be confident that you have actually taken what needs to be learned and applied it, then you won’t feel conflicted anymore. I almost never come out of it without lessons learned, even when life hands me an impossible situation.
I’d also point out that since it’s a common cultural script, it’s very easy for your search tree to locate it. And for it to go “sure, you said you don’t believe this, but 90% of the world does so it’s worth at least a second thought!”. And the “Pascal’s Wager”-esque situation that praying to god to make it unhappen has a very, very low cost, and even praying in advance seems unlikely to be costly...
I agree and I don’t think you mean it that way, but I want to clarify that there wasn’t any verbal deliberation at the time. I didn’t actually go through the steps of thinking “Well, other people think...” or “It’s worth shot..”. It’s just what happened.
Just like the reflexive “oh god no”, but taken a little further to “Please please please let this just be a nightmare—no, this is definitely real. I have way too much context for this to be a dream.” and so on.
Even just given the existence of nightmares it’s a reasonable node to have on your search tree. I’ve never been in a war or a debilitating accident, so all the times I’ve ended up maimed or disfigured have been in my dreams. And all the times I’ve had loved ones killed in front of me or accidentally killed people I cared about.
I’ve lived a fortunate enough life (at least relative to my experiences while asleep) that noticing when whatever’s happening to me seems to be just too horrible, and considering whether I’m just dreaming it, has by and large been an extremely useful response which has resulted in a lot of reduced stress.
Ahh, I forgot about that. Every time I’ve done a “is this a dream?” test in a dream, I’ve gotten back a negative (this is not a dream) response. I’ve stopped doing it, since it usually makes the nightmare that much more terrifying.
Off the top of my head: pinching myself, checking small details, checking for internal consistency and/or odd gaps in recent memory (this one is the worst to know that my brain can fake), checking illumination levels, pretty much ANY variation of “you can’t do X in a dream” (I can read, see color, and do comparison price shopping between competing brands with the price signs remaining consistent)
Light switches never work in my dream, but I always just assume the bulb burnt out and it drives me nuts that I can never use this as a reliable test. Maybe the dreams where the lights work are just not noteworthy enough to get remembered, though.
What about pinching your nose shut with your hand and then trying to breathe through your nose? That’s one that works for me I actually remember using within the last year.
Agreed. I had a longer explanation, but it essentially boiled down to this, plus some chemical explanations I decided to take out because I was insufficiently familiar with the chemistry to feel confident that I was using the right names for chemicals.
Could one be grateful to the other cars involved in the situation? I usually feel gratitude towards myself (for being skilled), my teacher (I’m still new, and she taught me well), people who contributed to me being calm in a crisis, and/or the other cars who managed to avoid the situation.
You can also be grateful for a huge nebulous social system that teaches driving and ensures reasonably consistent behavior, which makes this all MUCH easier than if everyone was just improvising (i.e. rules of the road both legal and social).
When I was learning to drive I had a few close calls, and I got very aware of what I was grateful for—it was important to focus on WHY I wasn’t dead, so I could make sure I continued not dying :)
Could one be grateful to the other cars involved in the situation?
Absolutely. What I mean is the feeling of gratitude in the situations where there is no feasible target, like having a pregnancy test turn out negative after a contraception accident.
Intense experiences will mess with you. I’ve had a similar thing happen, but unfortunately it went the other way. I found myself praying to “the probably nonexistent simulator ‘god’” to make it unhappen. It wasn’t that I secretly alieved it’d help, or had a “religious part” or anything like that. It’s just that the reality was too damn horrible to accept, so my brain was desperately searching for solutions to make it all okay and going way down the search results. I never actually alieved it—It still felt completely hopeless. It’s just that when the stakes are really high, you don’t give up so easy.
Similarly, I don’t think it’s any religious part that’s been in hiding in your head. It’s just that you were anticipating a big loss, so when things turn out okay, you really appreciate it. It turned out okay when it “could have” turned out not okay, and you’re thankful that it did.
It’s expected and normal. Shrugging off a serious close call wouldn’t be taking it seriously enough, and just saying “I should be more careful” before moving on won’t make you more careful, so don’t try to suppress it. Instead embrace the emotions that come up and sort things out until they’re satisfied. Look in depth into the question of “could I have done something to prevent that?”. When you’ve traveled far enough down the search tree that you feel satisfied and you’ve done what you need to do to be confident that you have actually taken what needs to be learned and applied it, then you won’t feel conflicted anymore. I almost never come out of it without lessons learned, even when life hands me an impossible situation.
I’d also point out that since it’s a common cultural script, it’s very easy for your search tree to locate it. And for it to go “sure, you said you don’t believe this, but 90% of the world does so it’s worth at least a second thought!”. And the “Pascal’s Wager”-esque situation that praying to god to make it unhappen has a very, very low cost, and even praying in advance seems unlikely to be costly...
I agree and I don’t think you mean it that way, but I want to clarify that there wasn’t any verbal deliberation at the time. I didn’t actually go through the steps of thinking “Well, other people think...” or “It’s worth shot..”. It’s just what happened.
Just like the reflexive “oh god no”, but taken a little further to “Please please please let this just be a nightmare—no, this is definitely real. I have way too much context for this to be a dream.” and so on.
“Please please please let this just be a nightmare—no, this is definitely real. I have way too much context for this to be a dream.”
Given the existence of schizophrenia and so forth, this actually seems like a reasonable node to have on your search tree :)
Even just given the existence of nightmares it’s a reasonable node to have on your search tree. I’ve never been in a war or a debilitating accident, so all the times I’ve ended up maimed or disfigured have been in my dreams. And all the times I’ve had loved ones killed in front of me or accidentally killed people I cared about.
I’ve lived a fortunate enough life (at least relative to my experiences while asleep) that noticing when whatever’s happening to me seems to be just too horrible, and considering whether I’m just dreaming it, has by and large been an extremely useful response which has resulted in a lot of reduced stress.
Ahh, I forgot about that. Every time I’ve done a “is this a dream?” test in a dream, I’ve gotten back a negative (this is not a dream) response. I’ve stopped doing it, since it usually makes the nightmare that much more terrifying.
What kind of test do you use?
Off the top of my head: pinching myself, checking small details, checking for internal consistency and/or odd gaps in recent memory (this one is the worst to know that my brain can fake), checking illumination levels, pretty much ANY variation of “you can’t do X in a dream” (I can read, see color, and do comparison price shopping between competing brands with the price signs remaining consistent)
Light switches never work in my dream, but I always just assume the bulb burnt out and it drives me nuts that I can never use this as a reliable test. Maybe the dreams where the lights work are just not noteworthy enough to get remembered, though.
What about pinching your nose shut with your hand and then trying to breathe through your nose? That’s one that works for me I actually remember using within the last year.
Agreed. I had a longer explanation, but it essentially boiled down to this, plus some chemical explanations I decided to take out because I was insufficiently familiar with the chemistry to feel confident that I was using the right names for chemicals.
Yes, I do, but I don’t just “appreciate” it. I can usually tell what emotions I am feeling, and gratitude was unmistakably there.
Could one be grateful to the other cars involved in the situation? I usually feel gratitude towards myself (for being skilled), my teacher (I’m still new, and she taught me well), people who contributed to me being calm in a crisis, and/or the other cars who managed to avoid the situation.
You can also be grateful for a huge nebulous social system that teaches driving and ensures reasonably consistent behavior, which makes this all MUCH easier than if everyone was just improvising (i.e. rules of the road both legal and social).
When I was learning to drive I had a few close calls, and I got very aware of what I was grateful for—it was important to focus on WHY I wasn’t dead, so I could make sure I continued not dying :)
Absolutely. What I mean is the feeling of gratitude in the situations where there is no feasible target, like having a pregnancy test turn out negative after a contraception accident.
True. I like the points elsewhere in this thread that gratitude can exist without a target :)