A mantra I use: “I want things to be a certain way. But I don’t want to believe they are. I want to believe what is true.”
A little more explanation: There was a time when I would say to myself things like, “I want to think that people are basically good.” or “I want to believe that my life has not been a mistake.” But now I realize that what I want is actually for people to be basically good; I don’t want to think that, not if it isn’t true. I don’t want to believe that my life has not been a mistake; I want my life to not be a mistake. I used to think of the two as almost synonymous; but in fact they are radically different.
In terms of an exercise, it would be a start to get people to list things that would be nice if they were true but probably aren’t—e.g. “I will win the lottery tomorrow”, “the US federal budget is balanced”, “I have everything I want in my life”. Then go through each one, and ask: “Do you want to believe that, knowing it’s not true? Or do you just want it it to be true? Is your desire about your beliefs, or is it about reality?” Some of the things on the list may be things that you can make true, in which case the next step is, “Go do it.” For the others, maybe we could work on techniques for helping people accept unfortunate realities.
A mantra I use: “I want things to be a certain way. But I don’t want to believe they are. I want to believe what is true.”
A little more explanation: There was a time when I would say to myself things like, “I want to think that people are basically good.” or “I want to believe that my life has not been a mistake.” But now I realize that what I want is actually for people to be basically good; I don’t want to think that, not if it isn’t true. I don’t want to believe that my life has not been a mistake; I want my life to not be a mistake. I used to think of the two as almost synonymous; but in fact they are radically different.
In terms of an exercise, it would be a start to get people to list things that would be nice if they were true but probably aren’t—e.g. “I will win the lottery tomorrow”, “the US federal budget is balanced”, “I have everything I want in my life”. Then go through each one, and ask: “Do you want to believe that, knowing it’s not true? Or do you just want it it to be true? Is your desire about your beliefs, or is it about reality?” Some of the things on the list may be things that you can make true, in which case the next step is, “Go do it.” For the others, maybe we could work on techniques for helping people accept unfortunate realities.