I always reply “That’s very kind of you to say.” Especially for compliments that I disagree with but don’t want to get into an argument about. I think it expresses nice positive vibes without actually endorsing the compliment as true.
On paying forward instead of paying back
A good mission-aligned team might be another example? In sports, if I pass you the ball and you score a goal, that’s not a “favor” because we both wanted the goal to be scored. (Ideally.) Or if we’re both at a company, and we’re both passionate about the mission, and your computer breaks and I fix it, that’s not necessarily “a favor” because I want your computer to work because it’s good for the project and I care about that. (Ideally.) Maybe you’re seeing some EAs feel that kind of attitude?
I agree that the reason EAs are usually not tracking favours is that we are (or assume we are) mission aligned. I picked the pay-it-forward framing, because it fitted better with other situation where I expected people not to try to balance social legers. But you’re right that there are situations that are mission aligned that are not well described as paying it forward, but some other shared goal.
Another situation where there is no social ledger, is when someone is doing their job. (You talk about a company where people are passionate about the mission. But most employs are not passionate about the mission, and still don’t end up owing each other favours for doing their job.)
I personally think that the main benefit of mental health professionals (e.g. psychologies, coaches, etc) is that you get to have a one sided relationship, where you get to talk about all your problem, and you don’t owe them anything in return, because you’re paying them instead. (Or sometimes the healthcare system, is paying, or your employer. The important thing is that they get paid, and helping you is their job.)
(I much rather talk to a friend about my problems, it just works better, since they know me. But when I do this I owe them. I need to track what cost I’m imposing them, and make sure it’s not more than I have the time and opportunity to re-pay.)
The desire to display gigawatt devotion with zero responsibility is the standard maneuver of our times, note the trend of celebrity soundbite social justice, or children’s fascination with doing the extra credit more than the regular credit, and as a personal observation this is exactly what’s wrong with medical students and nurses. They’ll spend hours talking with a patient about their lives and feelings while fluffing their pillow to cause it to be true that they are devoted—they chose to act, chose to love—while acts solely out of ordinary duty are devalued if not completely avoided.
(I’m pretty sure the way to read Sady Porn (or Scott’s review of it) is not to treat any of the text as evidence for anything, but as suggestions of things that may be interesting to pay attention to.)
It’s slightly off-topic… but I think it’s worth mentioning that I think the reason ‘extra credit’ is more exciting to tackle is that it is all potential upside with no potential downside. Regular assignments and tests offer you a reward if you do them well, but a punishment if you make mistakes on them. Extra credit is an exception to this, where there is explicitly no punishment threatened, so you can just relax and make a comfortable effort without worrying that you are trying insufficiently hard. This makes it more like play and peaceful exploration, and less like a stressful trial.
Indeed, my opinion is that education should have much less in the way of graded homework and tests. Tests should be for special occasions, like the very end of a course, and intended to truly measure the student’s understanding. Classwork (e.g. problem sets or working through a series on Khan academy or Brilliant) should award points for effort, just like lectures award participation credit for attending. Homework should be banned (below university level). If the school can’t educate you within the allotted time, it is failing its job.
I always reply “That’s very kind of you to say.” Especially for compliments that I disagree with but don’t want to get into an argument about. I think it expresses nice positive vibes without actually endorsing the compliment as true.
A good mission-aligned team might be another example? In sports, if I pass you the ball and you score a goal, that’s not a “favor” because we both wanted the goal to be scored. (Ideally.) Or if we’re both at a company, and we’re both passionate about the mission, and your computer breaks and I fix it, that’s not necessarily “a favor” because I want your computer to work because it’s good for the project and I care about that. (Ideally.) Maybe you’re seeing some EAs feel that kind of attitude?
I agree that the reason EAs are usually not tracking favours is that we are (or assume we are) mission aligned. I picked the pay-it-forward framing, because it fitted better with other situation where I expected people not to try to balance social legers. But you’re right that there are situations that are mission aligned that are not well described as paying it forward, but some other shared goal.
Another situation where there is no social ledger, is when someone is doing their job. (You talk about a company where people are passionate about the mission. But most employs are not passionate about the mission, and still don’t end up owing each other favours for doing their job.)
I personally think that the main benefit of mental health professionals (e.g. psychologies, coaches, etc) is that you get to have a one sided relationship, where you get to talk about all your problem, and you don’t owe them anything in return, because you’re paying them instead. (Or sometimes the healthcare system, is paying, or your employer. The important thing is that they get paid, and helping you is their job.)
(I much rather talk to a friend about my problems, it just works better, since they know me. But when I do this I owe them. I need to track what cost I’m imposing them, and make sure it’s not more than I have the time and opportunity to re-pay.)
Related: Citation form Sady Porn from Scott Alexanders’s review
(I’m pretty sure the way to read Sady Porn (or Scott’s review of it) is not to treat any of the text as evidence for anything, but as suggestions of things that may be interesting to pay attention to.)
It’s slightly off-topic… but I think it’s worth mentioning that I think the reason ‘extra credit’ is more exciting to tackle is that it is all potential upside with no potential downside. Regular assignments and tests offer you a reward if you do them well, but a punishment if you make mistakes on them. Extra credit is an exception to this, where there is explicitly no punishment threatened, so you can just relax and make a comfortable effort without worrying that you are trying insufficiently hard. This makes it more like play and peaceful exploration, and less like a stressful trial.
Indeed, my opinion is that education should have much less in the way of graded homework and tests. Tests should be for special occasions, like the very end of a course, and intended to truly measure the student’s understanding. Classwork (e.g. problem sets or working through a series on Khan academy or Brilliant) should award points for effort, just like lectures award participation credit for attending. Homework should be banned (below university level). If the school can’t educate you within the allotted time, it is failing its job.