I’ve noticed some clusters of people thinking that touching other people’s hair is okay (they usually ask strangers first), but I haven’t been able to pick up on what else those clusters have in common.
Now that I think about it, a couple days ago I saw a group of white girls practically interrogating these two black girls about what they did with their hair. My own reaction was more along the lines of “oh, curly dreadlock braid thingys” and then I moved on, so I couldn’t figure out why they were so (rudely) curious (they were so aggressive with their questions that my first thought was actually that the white girls were trying to bully them, but then that didn’t make sense for other reasons). I concluded that it was more about those girls being extremely curious about a different type of hairstyle, which it technically was, but I meant that in a sense more about function and structure than about race and the hair itself.
I feel weird when I think about this. I think it’s because I’m trying to use my brain to model an interest or value that I’ve never had or noticed before and that I have a difficult time empathizing with a fascination for something unusual like this. It feels like something warm and fuzzy is scratching the top of my head. Confusing..........
Me, too. When I grasped that hair touching was a thing, I actually wondered if my family had assimilated into mainstream American culture as much as I’d thought. (Eastern European Jewish, and my great grandparents came here in the early 1900s.)
However, I think it’s more reasonable to conclude that this is something that only a tiny minority of white people do, but there’s enough of them that black people are reasonably likely to have had the experience or to know someone who has.
I’ve also heard that demands to touch hair or touching with no preliminaries are somewhat likely to happen to white redheads.
Textures are fascinating. I like touching people’s hair in general; it’s neat as long as it isn’t full of goop. (I ask first.) So far this hasn’t happened to come up with any black people except one I was dating whose hair I could consequently touch very incidentally, but yeah, this is supposedly a thing and it would make me nervous about asking a black friend if I could touch their hair.
I have no idea what you look like, but despite that I just had a mental image of you looking absolutely enraptured staring at someone else’s hair, and playing with it sort of like a cat might (I have never had a cat). This amused me a lot.
To clarify my reaction: I don’t find anything wrong with it. It just seems really arbitrary, and slightly like a violation of personal space (even if you ask) although that one doesn’t really bother me. I find it unusual and surprising, more than anything else. My reaction was along the lines of “Wait, what? Why would you want to touch my hair?”.
Sure. I’ve just only seen or heard of it done with intimate couples. I’ve never seen it done with strangers. It seems like a couple steps above hugs on a scale of casual intimacy, to me, if I can just invent a scale out of thin air and proceed to give no reference points to guide how you’d evaluate that sort of thing.
I’m white and this seems bizarre to me. Like, extremely weird. I’m sort of creeped out just knowing about it.
I’ve noticed some clusters of people thinking that touching other people’s hair is okay (they usually ask strangers first), but I haven’t been able to pick up on what else those clusters have in common.
Now that I think about it, a couple days ago I saw a group of white girls practically interrogating these two black girls about what they did with their hair. My own reaction was more along the lines of “oh, curly dreadlock braid thingys” and then I moved on, so I couldn’t figure out why they were so (rudely) curious (they were so aggressive with their questions that my first thought was actually that the white girls were trying to bully them, but then that didn’t make sense for other reasons). I concluded that it was more about those girls being extremely curious about a different type of hairstyle, which it technically was, but I meant that in a sense more about function and structure than about race and the hair itself.
I feel weird when I think about this. I think it’s because I’m trying to use my brain to model an interest or value that I’ve never had or noticed before and that I have a difficult time empathizing with a fascination for something unusual like this. It feels like something warm and fuzzy is scratching the top of my head. Confusing..........
Me, too. When I grasped that hair touching was a thing, I actually wondered if my family had assimilated into mainstream American culture as much as I’d thought. (Eastern European Jewish, and my great grandparents came here in the early 1900s.)
However, I think it’s more reasonable to conclude that this is something that only a tiny minority of white people do, but there’s enough of them that black people are reasonably likely to have had the experience or to know someone who has.
I’ve also heard that demands to touch hair or touching with no preliminaries are somewhat likely to happen to white redheads.
Textures are fascinating. I like touching people’s hair in general; it’s neat as long as it isn’t full of goop. (I ask first.) So far this hasn’t happened to come up with any black people except one I was dating whose hair I could consequently touch very incidentally, but yeah, this is supposedly a thing and it would make me nervous about asking a black friend if I could touch their hair.
Try to Feel It My Way, a book about touch-dominant people—those who have touching as a major way of relating to the world.
I have no idea what you look like, but despite that I just had a mental image of you looking absolutely enraptured staring at someone else’s hair, and playing with it sort of like a cat might (I have never had a cat). This amused me a lot.
I’m sure I’ve cat-batted hair in the past, but I’m more likely to braid it or just pet it.
(Cats are known to bat at my hair, though!)
To clarify my reaction: I don’t find anything wrong with it. It just seems really arbitrary, and slightly like a violation of personal space (even if you ask) although that one doesn’t really bother me. I find it unusual and surprising, more than anything else. My reaction was along the lines of “Wait, what? Why would you want to touch my hair?”.
A lot of people like being petted. Enough people and enough liking that I’m confused that it doesn’t seem to be a normal thing, like hugs.
Edit: Maybe because it’s kind of hard to pet someone who is petting you? Hugs are typically reciprocal.
Sure. I’ve just only seen or heard of it done with intimate couples. I’ve never seen it done with strangers. It seems like a couple steps above hugs on a scale of casual intimacy, to me, if I can just invent a scale out of thin air and proceed to give no reference points to guide how you’d evaluate that sort of thing.