One general point: while “mansplaining” is not part of my vocabulary, I’ve looked into whether the word might be about something real, and I’ve noticed that on NPR call-in shows, men are more likely to take up the very limited amount of time by explaining things that people already know.
This leads into a specific issue: I’ve had a few instances of men explaining feminism to me and my not liking the experience at all, and I think I’ve figured out the issue. It’s not that they’re men, it’s that they show no signs of hearing what I say on the topic, and I’ve seen this from men who are reasonably capable of listening most of the time.
An example of creepy even though it wasn’t a sexual approach: a man telling me about how it’s a fundamental male thing to protect women from violence. I had two issues—men actually aren’t very good at it (consider that wars frequently happen in places where women are living), and he was twice my size, talking about violence, and completely spaced out. I wasn’t afraid on the “get out now” level, but I was spooked.
Interesting. I’ve had similar conversations with men—where they are intent on explaining stuff instead of listening too—but not very often with women.
When you say that “it’s not that they’re men”, do you mean that it’s as often women as men, or just that being a man is neither a necessary nor sufficient condition for this behavior? I’m assuming the second, please correct me if that’s wrong.
A few hypotheses:
1) Men like to be dominant, and that means being the explainer, not the explainee, no matter whether they know what they’re talking about.
2) Men like talking more in general, so they are more likely to explain things that are obvious or wrong.
3) Men are worse at listening.
4) Men and women both do this, but men are more obvious about it.
#1 is almost certainly true. Men and women IME also seem to have different average preferences about the appropriateness of interrupting, talking over someone, saying flat-out “you’re wrong.”
I don’t think #2 is likely, but I’ve been wrong before, and I’ll be wrong again (though hopefully less wrong).
I don’t have an opinion on #3. Listening (and being curious about what other people think) in real time is definitely a learned skill for me.
I’ve definitely had a bunch of conversations where people said things that sounded like listening, without giving any sign of comprehension. I’m not sure if men or women do this more often, but it is weak evidence for #4.
I meant that being a man is neither necessary or sufficient for the behavior., and also even though I don’t think I’ve run into that behavior from a woman in person, I’d still find it almost as annoying.
I haven’t been checking on the gender/topic combinations which make it hard for me to get into a conversation so I don’t even have the beginning of a theory.
My tentative theory is that feminism is makes some men more anxious, so that if they’re talking rather than intimidated into silence, they’ll be more compulsive. Along the same lines, they may be hoping they’ve finally gotten it right, and don’t want to put even more work into it.
However, I don’t have a lot of samples, and I’m guessing.
One general point: while “mansplaining” is not part of my vocabulary, I’ve looked into whether the word might be about something real, and I’ve noticed that on NPR call-in shows, men are more likely to take up the very limited amount of time by explaining things that people already know.
This leads into a specific issue: I’ve had a few instances of men explaining feminism to me and my not liking the experience at all, and I think I’ve figured out the issue. It’s not that they’re men, it’s that they show no signs of hearing what I say on the topic, and I’ve seen this from men who are reasonably capable of listening most of the time.
An example of creepy even though it wasn’t a sexual approach: a man telling me about how it’s a fundamental male thing to protect women from violence. I had two issues—men actually aren’t very good at it (consider that wars frequently happen in places where women are living), and he was twice my size, talking about violence, and completely spaced out. I wasn’t afraid on the “get out now” level, but I was spooked.
Interesting. I’ve had similar conversations with men—where they are intent on explaining stuff instead of listening too—but not very often with women.
When you say that “it’s not that they’re men”, do you mean that it’s as often women as men, or just that being a man is neither a necessary nor sufficient condition for this behavior? I’m assuming the second, please correct me if that’s wrong.
A few hypotheses:
1) Men like to be dominant, and that means being the explainer, not the explainee, no matter whether they know what they’re talking about.
2) Men like talking more in general, so they are more likely to explain things that are obvious or wrong.
3) Men are worse at listening.
4) Men and women both do this, but men are more obvious about it.
#1 is almost certainly true. Men and women IME also seem to have different average preferences about the appropriateness of interrupting, talking over someone, saying flat-out “you’re wrong.”
I don’t think #2 is likely, but I’ve been wrong before, and I’ll be wrong again (though hopefully less wrong).
I don’t have an opinion on #3. Listening (and being curious about what other people think) in real time is definitely a learned skill for me.
I’ve definitely had a bunch of conversations where people said things that sounded like listening, without giving any sign of comprehension. I’m not sure if men or women do this more often, but it is weak evidence for #4.
I meant that being a man is neither necessary or sufficient for the behavior., and also even though I don’t think I’ve run into that behavior from a woman in person, I’d still find it almost as annoying.
I haven’t been checking on the gender/topic combinations which make it hard for me to get into a conversation so I don’t even have the beginning of a theory.
My tentative theory is that feminism is makes some men more anxious, so that if they’re talking rather than intimidated into silence, they’ll be more compulsive. Along the same lines, they may be hoping they’ve finally gotten it right, and don’t want to put even more work into it.
However, I don’t have a lot of samples, and I’m guessing.
So you mainly notice this in conversations about feminism?
I’ve noticed a specific pattern in conversations about feminism. There are certainly people who take over conversations on other topics as well.