This may be unpopular, but this sets of my “Dark Arts” detector something fierce. It’s always seemed to me that the respect I owe to my opponent in a debate obligates me to at least say, when I think it’s the case, “You’re wrong. You’re an idiot. Think again.”
This may be unpopular, but this sets of my “Dark Arts” detector something fierce.
It is pure Dark Arts… but that doesn’t necessary mean it is a bad thing. Just that is normal social behavior.
For my part I do tend to notice this move and cooperation mode gets shut down far more completely than if they simply disagree. But that doesn’t mean I’ll come out and tell them that I’ve stopped cooperation or even act less cooperative. The mode being shut down is ‘cooperation with an intellectual peer’. They have taken the role of persuader with some sort of social agenda. There are all sorts of ways to handle that sort of situation and relatively few involve giving them free access to any more honest expressions of your own beliefs. Pretending to go along with them and so giving them no target to ‘persuade’ against is probably a better default.
It’s always seemed to me that the respect I owe to my opponent in a debate obligates me to at least say, when I think it’s the case, “You’re wrong. You’re an idiot. Think again.”
I like the way you have framed that. You describe direct blunt disagreement as something you are giving the opponent out of (a certain kind of) respect. This allows for far more freedom when dealing with people who (at that particular instant) do not warrant that kind of respect.
I like the way you have framed that. You describe direct blunt disagreement as something you are giving the opponent out of (a certain kind of) respect.
Well. yeah. It is strange. A great many people think you show respect by patting someone else on the head and saying “great idea, but...” I think that’s the height of condescension and disrespect.
This kind of attitude is common among my friends who are more technical, but it can really damage communications with most people. “You’re an idiot” doesn’t just communicate “you’re wrong” it says that you lack the ability to think at all, so all of your conclusions, whether related to this subject at all, are worthless. A good friend might take that in the way you intend, but there’s no reason anyone else should.
What is being called a Dark Art is something that Hermione would use; something that shows that you care about the other person’s feelings, that you want to avoid causing pain where you can. It’s a kindness. Sure, most of us can handle rough sports like intellectual boxing when we know what we’re getting into, but most people aren’t expecting to be sparring in a conversation.
This kind of attitude is common among my friends who are more technical, but it can really damage communications with most people.
You seem to have misread what I said. In fact you have it approximately backwards. The opening of”but that doesn’t necessary mean it is a bad thing. Just that is normal social behavior.” makes it rather clear that the disagreement you present here is not with me.
I think you may be right. I’m used to arguments as just-short-of-bar-fights, so my perception here might be a bit warped. I’ve said most of what I want to say in my reply to katydee, and it may just be the case that I value telling morons what I think of them (and I rely on morons to tell me what they think of me) more than you do.
I agree with you, and I would certainly never use this technique with someone who is operating under Crocker’s Rules. By the same token, though, I expect people using those rules to have the discipline required to not shift into motivated cognition mode if I tell them they’re wrong, operating under a bad paradigm, etc.
I basically consider this technique to be “advanced politeness—” while it obscures my true meaning at first, it seems to ultimately help that meaning take hold in conversations with people who are inclined to become combative or argumentative at perceived insults (which is really most people).
That being said, I haven’t exactly tested this for a long period of time, so it’s possible that I’ve just lucked out thus far or that there are hidden downsides to this that aren’t immediately apparent. I’ll keep y’all posted and maybe turn this into a top-level post in a bit.
I basically consider this technique to be “advanced politeness—” while it obscures my true meaning at first, it seems to ultimately help that meaning take hold in conversations with people who are inclined to become combative or argumentative at perceived insults (which is really most people).
I absolutely agree with this—being one of those people who “are inclined to become combative or argumentative at perceived insults” myself (by chance, I suppose, I have spent most of my time when debating, debating in the bar-fighter way, rather than as part of a true dialectic). Part of what governs my conduct is having nurtured my image as “that guy who will damn-well tell you what he thinks of you, whether or not it makes you cry” IRL, for several years. I think it probably really is the case that, by being polite and kind, you’re more likely to change other peoples’ minds. However, I’m wary that a certain kind of honesty may be undervalued here—if I thought that someone thought I’m an idiot, and they weren’t telling me, but instead being nice in order to change my mind, I would be livid. I would hunt you down, and I would make you weep, and then I would make your parents weep for what became of their child. I would not be happy at all. Advancing that same respect to the idiots I disagree with is really important to me—whether or not it is the most effective method of changing their minds.
You’re right, but occasionally you’ll find yourself debating with someone who sees all opposing arguments as soldiers to be killed. If making her see the truth is more important for you than abiding by the laws and customs of war, dressing as the enemy is definitely a useful trick.
If making her see the truth is more important for you than abiding by the laws and customs of war, dressing as the enemy is definitely a useful trick.
I think you’re basically right—I’m just not sure that I do consider that more important for certain values of “the laws and customs of war”. I’ve certainly been in arguments like this, and not least because I’m perhaps a prime example of someone “who sees all opposing arguments as soldiers to be killed”—something I’m trying to fix.
This may be unpopular, but this sets of my “Dark Arts” detector something fierce. It’s always seemed to me that the respect I owe to my opponent in a debate obligates me to at least say, when I think it’s the case, “You’re wrong. You’re an idiot. Think again.”
It is pure Dark Arts… but that doesn’t necessary mean it is a bad thing. Just that is normal social behavior.
For my part I do tend to notice this move and cooperation mode gets shut down far more completely than if they simply disagree. But that doesn’t mean I’ll come out and tell them that I’ve stopped cooperation or even act less cooperative. The mode being shut down is ‘cooperation with an intellectual peer’. They have taken the role of persuader with some sort of social agenda. There are all sorts of ways to handle that sort of situation and relatively few involve giving them free access to any more honest expressions of your own beliefs. Pretending to go along with them and so giving them no target to ‘persuade’ against is probably a better default.
I like the way you have framed that. You describe direct blunt disagreement as something you are giving the opponent out of (a certain kind of) respect. This allows for far more freedom when dealing with people who (at that particular instant) do not warrant that kind of respect.
Well. yeah. It is strange. A great many people think you show respect by patting someone else on the head and saying “great idea, but...” I think that’s the height of condescension and disrespect.
This kind of attitude is common among my friends who are more technical, but it can really damage communications with most people. “You’re an idiot” doesn’t just communicate “you’re wrong” it says that you lack the ability to think at all, so all of your conclusions, whether related to this subject at all, are worthless. A good friend might take that in the way you intend, but there’s no reason anyone else should. What is being called a Dark Art is something that Hermione would use; something that shows that you care about the other person’s feelings, that you want to avoid causing pain where you can. It’s a kindness. Sure, most of us can handle rough sports like intellectual boxing when we know what we’re getting into, but most people aren’t expecting to be sparring in a conversation.
You seem to have misread what I said. In fact you have it approximately backwards. The opening of”but that doesn’t necessary mean it is a bad thing. Just that is normal social behavior.” makes it rather clear that the disagreement you present here is not with me.
I think you may be right. I’m used to arguments as just-short-of-bar-fights, so my perception here might be a bit warped. I’ve said most of what I want to say in my reply to katydee, and it may just be the case that I value telling morons what I think of them (and I rely on morons to tell me what they think of me) more than you do.
I am sure there are morons out there who would disagree!
Upvoted for, y’know, yes.
I agree with you, and I would certainly never use this technique with someone who is operating under Crocker’s Rules. By the same token, though, I expect people using those rules to have the discipline required to not shift into motivated cognition mode if I tell them they’re wrong, operating under a bad paradigm, etc.
I basically consider this technique to be “advanced politeness—” while it obscures my true meaning at first, it seems to ultimately help that meaning take hold in conversations with people who are inclined to become combative or argumentative at perceived insults (which is really most people).
That being said, I haven’t exactly tested this for a long period of time, so it’s possible that I’ve just lucked out thus far or that there are hidden downsides to this that aren’t immediately apparent. I’ll keep y’all posted and maybe turn this into a top-level post in a bit.
I absolutely agree with this—being one of those people who “are inclined to become combative or argumentative at perceived insults” myself (by chance, I suppose, I have spent most of my time when debating, debating in the bar-fighter way, rather than as part of a true dialectic). Part of what governs my conduct is having nurtured my image as “that guy who will damn-well tell you what he thinks of you, whether or not it makes you cry” IRL, for several years. I think it probably really is the case that, by being polite and kind, you’re more likely to change other peoples’ minds. However, I’m wary that a certain kind of honesty may be undervalued here—if I thought that someone thought I’m an idiot, and they weren’t telling me, but instead being nice in order to change my mind, I would be livid. I would hunt you down, and I would make you weep, and then I would make your parents weep for what became of their child. I would not be happy at all. Advancing that same respect to the idiots I disagree with is really important to me—whether or not it is the most effective method of changing their minds.
I see what you just did there!
You’re right, but occasionally you’ll find yourself debating with someone who sees all opposing arguments as soldiers to be killed. If making her see the truth is more important for you than abiding by the laws and customs of war, dressing as the enemy is definitely a useful trick.
I think you’re basically right—I’m just not sure that I do consider that more important for certain values of “the laws and customs of war”. I’ve certainly been in arguments like this, and not least because I’m perhaps a prime example of someone “who sees all opposing arguments as soldiers to be killed”—something I’m trying to fix.