Basically it comes down to a measure of the degree to which the other person cares about what you are saying. What Eliezer puts as “sticking his neck out”, I would describe more specifically as “listening carefully to the other person”. In this way I would connect ‘logical rudeness’ with plain old manners.
To put it another way, while the person is talking, are you thinking about what they are saying, or preparing your response? I try to be generous in this way, and most of the people in my life respond well to it. But then I’m choosy about who I spend time with.
It works best with my wife. We’ve been communicating this way for years and years now, and it’s just a wonderful experience to have a conversation in which both people are giving the other exclusive attention.
The other thing my wife and I do really well is give each other space to think. When we’re done talking we stop talking and wait for the other person to have their say. Since she was paying careful attention while I was talking, she might not have something to say right away. So we have to give each other that time. Not many people are comfortable with silence.
In the old days we used to use ice cream as an inverse semaphore; the listener held the pint and the spoon, and ate and listened while the talker talked. Then the talker took the ice cream and had to shut up until the other person asked for it.
In the old days we used to use ice cream as an inverse semaphore; the listener held the pint and the spoon, and ate and listened while the talker talked. Then the talker took the ice cream and had to shut up until the other person asked for it.
This is awesome. I would be tempted to shut up earlier than I usually would just for the reward of getting some ice cream. :)
Though I appreciate the fun, you are forgetting that this is a solution to a problem that lies in old-fashioned rudeness of interrupting one another, something quite impossible on a turn-based medium as this.
On a different note, some people may be distracted too much by the ice cream, and the goal of making them listen might be forgone because of this.
Basically it comes down to a measure of the degree to which the other person cares about what you are saying. What Eliezer puts as “sticking his neck out”, I would describe more specifically as “listening carefully to the other person”. In this way I would connect ‘logical rudeness’ with plain old manners.
To put it another way, while the person is talking, are you thinking about what they are saying, or preparing your response? I try to be generous in this way, and most of the people in my life respond well to it. But then I’m choosy about who I spend time with.
It works best with my wife. We’ve been communicating this way for years and years now, and it’s just a wonderful experience to have a conversation in which both people are giving the other exclusive attention.
The other thing my wife and I do really well is give each other space to think. When we’re done talking we stop talking and wait for the other person to have their say. Since she was paying careful attention while I was talking, she might not have something to say right away. So we have to give each other that time. Not many people are comfortable with silence.
In the old days we used to use ice cream as an inverse semaphore; the listener held the pint and the spoon, and ate and listened while the talker talked. Then the talker took the ice cream and had to shut up until the other person asked for it.
This is awesome. I would be tempted to shut up earlier than I usually would just for the reward of getting some ice cream. :)
So the only thing we need to improve online discourse is a way to instantly deliver ice cream over the internet...
Though I appreciate the fun, you are forgetting that this is a solution to a problem that lies in old-fashioned rudeness of interrupting one another, something quite impossible on a turn-based medium as this.
On a different note, some people may be distracted too much by the ice cream, and the goal of making them listen might be forgone because of this.