I don’t have the exact numbers at hand, but I’m pretty sure that in the overwhelming majority of cases, marriages are still preceded by rituals and customs with greatly different sex roles. For example, quick googling yields this Slate article according to which more than 80% of marriages involve the woman receiving an expensive diamond engagement ring from the man—which is just one element that indicates fundamental asymmetry in their strategic positions.
Even if more and more marriages deviate from the most standard norm, it still means that the sides typically aren’t faced with equivalent strategic situations in the highly ritualized negotiation process, which is relevant for the question of what happens when non-standard approaches are attempted that risk blowing things up by signaling weirdness. But this is a complex topic on which much time could easily be spent.
more than 80% of marriages involve the woman receiving an expensive diamond engagement ring from the man—which is just one element that indicates fundamental asymmetry in their strategic positions.
No so much anymore, in most states of the US. If the proposal is accepted, the ring becomes a part of the couple’s community property. If the proposal is rejected, the man gets the ring back (it is legally considered a “conditional gift” in most states, which the prospective fianceé must return if she refuses or breaks off the engagement). Either way, the ring remains the property of the proposer, so it doesn’t really cost him anything to propose.
You’re right that engagement rings have mostly lost their former economic function as a collateral of commitment. However, despite these legal changes, it’s not correct to say that the ring doesn’t cost the proposer anything. If the engagement is broken, he’ll get it back, but it can’t be resold for anything near the original price, and reuse for a subsequent woman is out of the question (well, he could try, but it would be considered an insulting move leading to a near-certain disaster, and if he tried it surreptitiously, the consequences would be even more catastrophic if discovered). Moreover, even as a part of the couple’s community property, it’s a white elephant asset that will never be sold except in direst desperation, doesn’t yield any rent or interest, and just sucks up money for insurance, so for all practical purposes, the man has parted with a significant amount of money by buying it.
However, despite these legal changes, it’s not correct to say that the ring doesn’t cost the proposer anything.
You’ve changed my mind: there is a real cost to the ring. I considered the ring a thing equal in value to its price but didn’t think it through enough to realize that after it’s bought it only retains much value (as sentimental value to the couple) if the proposal succeeds. Thanks for the links; I had no idea diamonds were so over-priced.
I don’t have the exact numbers at hand, but I’m pretty sure that in the overwhelming majority of cases, marriages are still preceded by rituals and customs with greatly different sex roles. For example, quick googling yields this Slate article according to which more than 80% of marriages involve the woman receiving an expensive diamond engagement ring from the man—which is just one element that indicates fundamental asymmetry in their strategic positions.
Even if more and more marriages deviate from the most standard norm, it still means that the sides typically aren’t faced with equivalent strategic situations in the highly ritualized negotiation process, which is relevant for the question of what happens when non-standard approaches are attempted that risk blowing things up by signaling weirdness. But this is a complex topic on which much time could easily be spent.
No so much anymore, in most states of the US. If the proposal is accepted, the ring becomes a part of the couple’s community property. If the proposal is rejected, the man gets the ring back (it is legally considered a “conditional gift” in most states, which the prospective fianceé must return if she refuses or breaks off the engagement). Either way, the ring remains the property of the proposer, so it doesn’t really cost him anything to propose.
You’re right that engagement rings have mostly lost their former economic function as a collateral of commitment. However, despite these legal changes, it’s not correct to say that the ring doesn’t cost the proposer anything. If the engagement is broken, he’ll get it back, but it can’t be resold for anything near the original price, and reuse for a subsequent woman is out of the question (well, he could try, but it would be considered an insulting move leading to a near-certain disaster, and if he tried it surreptitiously, the consequences would be even more catastrophic if discovered). Moreover, even as a part of the couple’s community property, it’s a white elephant asset that will never be sold except in direst desperation, doesn’t yield any rent or interest, and just sucks up money for insurance, so for all practical purposes, the man has parted with a significant amount of money by buying it.
You’ve changed my mind: there is a real cost to the ring. I considered the ring a thing equal in value to its price but didn’t think it through enough to realize that after it’s bought it only retains much value (as sentimental value to the couple) if the proposal succeeds. Thanks for the links; I had no idea diamonds were so over-priced.