While others have remarked that you’re responding to a “Hollywood” conception of romance, I also want to point out that you aren’t the only person who perceives romance this way. The surface perfection of romance is something people would like to signal about their relationships. Like, even in the cases where people are cheating on one another, or the relationship is falling apart, or mired by abuse, or conflict, they like to publicly signal that things are still going well, or at least not going horribly. If you searched for ‘romance’, or ‘relationships’, on Overcoming Bias, you could find some decent material on signaling within sexual relationships. Additionally, media besides Hollywood movies are shoving an archetype of romantic relationships down our throats all the time. So, only mostly perceiving all this, there are a great many people who view relationships in this manner. This is probably skewed towards younger people, although it’s also been remarked in this thread that some people go through this for decades.
Mr. Zaman’s comment seems to point out that a key to finding a relationship that avoids all these things about love which would frustrate you is that you can find the right person to do so. I don’t know how to do that myself, per se, other than suggesting you try OKCupid, or altering your social circle to include more people who have a similar mindset, and then dating from within there.
I believe you’re correct in that a substantial portion of relationships, one partner coming out to another, and stating (realistically) that they’re not the best possible person, and that it could be quite possible to find another one, would be hurtful. I believe that might be hurtful in some relationships only because the other interlocutor won’t understand why you’re stating obvious but hurtful facts, like you’re signaling something mysterious. I wouldn’t worry about that, though. So, there are people who have fooled themselves into thinking relationships ought to be like an idealized romance. Perhaps you could try observing other relationship styles where you can, or read about them on some blog which is, I don’t know, contra-romantic, and that could change your perception of people practically love one another.
While others have remarked that you’re responding to a “Hollywood” conception of romance, I also want to point out that you aren’t the only person who perceives romance this way. The surface perfection of romance is something people would like to signal about their relationships. Like, even in the cases where people are cheating on one another, or the relationship is falling apart, or mired by abuse, or conflict, they like to publicly signal that things are still going well, or at least not going horribly. If you searched for ‘romance’, or ‘relationships’, on Overcoming Bias, you could find some decent material on signaling within sexual relationships. Additionally, media besides Hollywood movies are shoving an archetype of romantic relationships down our throats all the time. So, only mostly perceiving all this, there are a great many people who view relationships in this manner. This is probably skewed towards younger people, although it’s also been remarked in this thread that some people go through this for decades.
Mr. Zaman’s comment seems to point out that a key to finding a relationship that avoids all these things about love which would frustrate you is that you can find the right person to do so. I don’t know how to do that myself, per se, other than suggesting you try OKCupid, or altering your social circle to include more people who have a similar mindset, and then dating from within there.
I believe you’re correct in that a substantial portion of relationships, one partner coming out to another, and stating (realistically) that they’re not the best possible person, and that it could be quite possible to find another one, would be hurtful. I believe that might be hurtful in some relationships only because the other interlocutor won’t understand why you’re stating obvious but hurtful facts, like you’re signaling something mysterious. I wouldn’t worry about that, though. So, there are people who have fooled themselves into thinking relationships ought to be like an idealized romance. Perhaps you could try observing other relationship styles where you can, or read about them on some blog which is, I don’t know, contra-romantic, and that could change your perception of people practically love one another.