I’m starting the sequel, and mostly wanted to say thank-you to Alicorn for writing this: I think Radiance has the potential to be even more interesting than Luminosity, mostly because it’s almost entirely original. Also, Elspeth is really very likable, which is very important for this story to “work.”
I would echo the comments of the reader who wrote earlier that the story seems to lack much in the way of sensory description. Since we’re seeing through Elspeth’s eyes, I wish we got a lot more of how things look, feel, taste, sound to her. For instance, I was wondering through the end of Chapter 2 and most of Chapter 3 whether Elspeth was attracted to Cody. Up until she kissed him, I had no idea—and for a character whose superpower is “making herself clear,” that’s being pretty opaque. It’s mostly because the only physical description we got of him was that he’s Native American and wearing a ponytail. Nothing about whether his features were blunt or keen, his eyes lively or soft or guarded, his build broad or skinny, his hands strong or delicate—none of the things, in summary, that girls tend to notice about boys when they’re interested.
Just as another example, I don’t have a picture in my mind of the werewolf camp AT ALL. We’re told there are “tents” but are we talking about individual-type camping tents, or big military tents, or what? How are they handling trash—is there a big midden heap nearby? Are they burying their waste? What about recreation & social space—do they have sporting or sparring areas? Are the tents organized around a central campfire or other social space? If this is a semi-permanent enclave, knowing how the wolves are organizing the basic requirements of communal living can tell us a lot about them and their organization, and this is the kind of info that we can get a lot of just by really seeing through Elspeth’s eyes as she glances around.
Again, though, the story is really enjoyable so far. The sensory descriptions would just help it be more immersive (and I think they’d be appropriate given the nature of Elspeth’s powers).
Just wanted to note that Chapter 4 gave me more of the description I’d been missing—I have a better image of Cody now. I also really liked Cody’s run-down of the pack dynamics because I’d been thinking that social tensions could get completely insane in a situation like the one Jacob’s pack is in. Elspeth’s concerns about kidnapping seemed perfectly reasonable to me too.
It also seemed “realistic” given the situation and the character that Elspeth couldn’t keep her mom’s secret, though I’m sure Bella wouldn’t be pleased to know it.
Up until she kissed him, I had no idea—and for a character whose superpower is “making herself clear,” that’s being pretty opaque.
I don’t know, I thought that
His smile changed his whole face, like he had a very limited version of my power: he could communicate I am happy, impossible to disbelieve or misunderstand.
I’m starting the sequel, and mostly wanted to say thank-you to Alicorn for writing this: I think Radiance has the potential to be even more interesting than Luminosity, mostly because it’s almost entirely original. Also, Elspeth is really very likable, which is very important for this story to “work.”
I would echo the comments of the reader who wrote earlier that the story seems to lack much in the way of sensory description. Since we’re seeing through Elspeth’s eyes, I wish we got a lot more of how things look, feel, taste, sound to her. For instance, I was wondering through the end of Chapter 2 and most of Chapter 3 whether Elspeth was attracted to Cody. Up until she kissed him, I had no idea—and for a character whose superpower is “making herself clear,” that’s being pretty opaque. It’s mostly because the only physical description we got of him was that he’s Native American and wearing a ponytail. Nothing about whether his features were blunt or keen, his eyes lively or soft or guarded, his build broad or skinny, his hands strong or delicate—none of the things, in summary, that girls tend to notice about boys when they’re interested.
Just as another example, I don’t have a picture in my mind of the werewolf camp AT ALL. We’re told there are “tents” but are we talking about individual-type camping tents, or big military tents, or what? How are they handling trash—is there a big midden heap nearby? Are they burying their waste? What about recreation & social space—do they have sporting or sparring areas? Are the tents organized around a central campfire or other social space? If this is a semi-permanent enclave, knowing how the wolves are organizing the basic requirements of communal living can tell us a lot about them and their organization, and this is the kind of info that we can get a lot of just by really seeing through Elspeth’s eyes as she glances around.
Again, though, the story is really enjoyable so far. The sensory descriptions would just help it be more immersive (and I think they’d be appropriate given the nature of Elspeth’s powers).
Just wanted to note that Chapter 4 gave me more of the description I’d been missing—I have a better image of Cody now. I also really liked Cody’s run-down of the pack dynamics because I’d been thinking that social tensions could get completely insane in a situation like the one Jacob’s pack is in. Elspeth’s concerns about kidnapping seemed perfectly reasonable to me too.
It also seemed “realistic” given the situation and the character that Elspeth couldn’t keep her mom’s secret, though I’m sure Bella wouldn’t be pleased to know it.
I don’t know, I thought that
was a pretty strong indication.