As my 2 cents, the phrase ‘deadname’ to me sounded like it caught on because it was hyperbolic and imputes aggression – similar to how phrases like trauma caught on (which used to primarily refer to physical damage like the phrase “blunt-forced trauma”) and notions spread that “words can be violence” (which seems to me to be bending the meaning of words like ‘violence’ too far and is trying to get people on board for a level of censorship that isn’t appropriate). I similarly recall seeing various notions on social media that not using the requested pronouns for transgender people constituted killing them due the implied background levels of violence towards such people in society.
Overall this leaves me personally choosing not to use the term ‘deadname’ and I reliably taboo it when I wish to refer to someone using the person’s former alternative-gendered name.
“Trauma” meaning psychological as opposed to physical damage goes back to the late 19th century.
I agree that there’s a widespread tendency to exaggerate the unpleasantness/harm done by mere words. (But I suggest there’s an opposite temptation too, to say that obviously no one can be substantially harmed by mere words, that physical harm is different in kind from mere psychological upset, etc., and that this is also wrong.)
I agree that much of the trans community seems to have embraced what looks to me like a severely hyperbolic view of how much threat trans people are under. (But, usual caveats: it’s very common for the situation of a minority group to look and feel much worse from the inside than from the outside, and generally this isn’t only a matter of people on the inside being oversensitive, it’s also a matter of people on the outside not appreciating how much unpleasantness those on the inside face. So my guess is that that view is less hyperbolic than it looks to me.)
I agree that the term “deadname” is probably popular partly because “using my deadname” has more of an obviously-hostile-move sound than “using my old name” or similar. But if we avoid every term with any spin attached, we’ll have to stop calling people liberals (as if no one else cared about freedom) or conservatives (as if their opponents were against preserving valuable things) or Catholics (the word means “universal”) or pro-life or pro-choice or, or, or, or. For my part, I avoid some spinny terms but not others, on the basis of gut feeling about how much actual wrongness is baked into them and how easy it is to find other language, which (I don’t know how coherently) cashes out as being broadly OK with “liberal” and “conservative”, preferring to avoid “pro-life” and “pro-choice” or at least making some snarky remarks about the terms before using them, avoiding the broadest uses of the term “transphobia”, etc. And for me “deadname” seems obviously basically OK even though, yes, the term was probably chosen partly for connotations one might take issue with. Your mileage may vary.
As my 2 cents, the phrase ‘deadname’ to me sounded like it caught on because it was hyperbolic and imputes aggression – similar to how phrases like trauma caught on (which used to primarily refer to physical damage like the phrase “blunt-forced trauma”) and notions spread that “words can be violence” (which seems to me to be bending the meaning of words like ‘violence’ too far and is trying to get people on board for a level of censorship that isn’t appropriate). I similarly recall seeing various notions on social media that not using the requested pronouns for transgender people constituted killing them due the implied background levels of violence towards such people in society.
Overall this leaves me personally choosing not to use the term ‘deadname’ and I reliably taboo it when I wish to refer to someone using the person’s former alternative-gendered name.
“Trauma” meaning psychological as opposed to physical damage goes back to the late 19th century.
I agree that there’s a widespread tendency to exaggerate the unpleasantness/harm done by mere words. (But I suggest there’s an opposite temptation too, to say that obviously no one can be substantially harmed by mere words, that physical harm is different in kind from mere psychological upset, etc., and that this is also wrong.)
I agree that much of the trans community seems to have embraced what looks to me like a severely hyperbolic view of how much threat trans people are under. (But, usual caveats: it’s very common for the situation of a minority group to look and feel much worse from the inside than from the outside, and generally this isn’t only a matter of people on the inside being oversensitive, it’s also a matter of people on the outside not appreciating how much unpleasantness those on the inside face. So my guess is that that view is less hyperbolic than it looks to me.)
I agree that the term “deadname” is probably popular partly because “using my deadname” has more of an obviously-hostile-move sound than “using my old name” or similar. But if we avoid every term with any spin attached, we’ll have to stop calling people liberals (as if no one else cared about freedom) or conservatives (as if their opponents were against preserving valuable things) or Catholics (the word means “universal”) or pro-life or pro-choice or, or, or, or. For my part, I avoid some spinny terms but not others, on the basis of gut feeling about how much actual wrongness is baked into them and how easy it is to find other language, which (I don’t know how coherently) cashes out as being broadly OK with “liberal” and “conservative”, preferring to avoid “pro-life” and “pro-choice” or at least making some snarky remarks about the terms before using them, avoiding the broadest uses of the term “transphobia”, etc. And for me “deadname” seems obviously basically OK even though, yes, the term was probably chosen partly for connotations one might take issue with. Your mileage may vary.
I agree that which terms people use vs taboo is a judgment call, I don’t mean to imply that others should clearly see these things the same as me.