Her parents aren’t letting her go to college out of state, or so much as move out until she’s married. She can’t do anything to stop them; any fighting back will result in even worse conditions for her.
Overall I strongly agree with your post, but I’m confused about this example.
I don’t know all of the context of your friend’s situation, but you say “out of state” which makes me think that she lives in the US, in which case I don’t understand how her parents could prevent her from leaving home once she is an adult.
Are they...
Using emotional manipulation, e.g. making it clear that they’ll be really mad or disappointed if she doesn’t comply? In that case, that sounds like a toxic situation that your friend should leave.
Threatening to withhold funding and support that they would otherwise provide? This one is tough but it’s possible to go to college without being financially supported by your parents.
Physically preventing her from leaving? Less common but I’m sure it happens. They can’t legally do this, so at this point, if she is a legal adult, she could get police involved to escort her out out of the property.
It’s really hard to do from zero to living independently in one day. You need to save for a deposit, or have friends to crash with, a steady source of income, household management skills… Even going into a shelter requires knowing where it is and what the admission rules are.
It’s fairly easy for parents (or abusive spouses) to interrupt the process before your can actually leave. If they won’t fill out FAFSA good luck with college before age 25. They can emotionally punish going for job interviews. If you’re saving to leave but don’t have enough yet they can create an emergency and demand your savings. They can make demands on your schedule or disrupt your sleep so it’s impossible to work consistently.
And all of this can be wrapped in a bunch of physical and emotional abuse that makes everything much harder.
You can’t legally imprison an adult or keep them from leaving your home, but if you control their living situation and have for decades, there are a lot of morally awful but legally fine actions available to weaken your child and raise the difficulty of leaving.
Weird question but I am in the 2 situation. Is there any specific advice in terms of waying the loss vs gain in that situation. Edit for clarity: I am giving up graduating a year early for financial backing in college.
So, your exact situation is going to be unique, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to get alternate funding to do college. Could you give more specifics about your situation and I’ll see what I can do or who I can put you in contact with?
Overall I strongly agree with your post, but I’m confused about this example.
I don’t know all of the context of your friend’s situation, but you say “out of state” which makes me think that she lives in the US, in which case I don’t understand how her parents could prevent her from leaving home once she is an adult.
Are they...
Using emotional manipulation, e.g. making it clear that they’ll be really mad or disappointed if she doesn’t comply? In that case, that sounds like a toxic situation that your friend should leave.
Threatening to withhold funding and support that they would otherwise provide? This one is tough but it’s possible to go to college without being financially supported by your parents.
Physically preventing her from leaving? Less common but I’m sure it happens. They can’t legally do this, so at this point, if she is a legal adult, she could get police involved to escort her out out of the property.
It’s really hard to do from zero to living independently in one day. You need to save for a deposit, or have friends to crash with, a steady source of income, household management skills… Even going into a shelter requires knowing where it is and what the admission rules are.
It’s fairly easy for parents (or abusive spouses) to interrupt the process before your can actually leave. If they won’t fill out FAFSA good luck with college before age 25. They can emotionally punish going for job interviews. If you’re saving to leave but don’t have enough yet they can create an emergency and demand your savings. They can make demands on your schedule or disrupt your sleep so it’s impossible to work consistently.
And all of this can be wrapped in a bunch of physical and emotional abuse that makes everything much harder.
You can’t legally imprison an adult or keep them from leaving your home, but if you control their living situation and have for decades, there are a lot of morally awful but legally fine actions available to weaken your child and raise the difficulty of leaving.
Weird question but I am in the 2 situation. Is there any specific advice in terms of waying the loss vs gain in that situation. Edit for clarity: I am giving up graduating a year early for financial backing in college.
So, your exact situation is going to be unique, but there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to get alternate funding to do college. Could you give more specifics about your situation and I’ll see what I can do or who I can put you in contact with?