This is certainly something that actual women do often enough for it to be a noticed part of the general culture.
Oh certainly—I never claimed that it was not present (or even common), I was reacting to Silas use of the word “usually” which implies that a majority of women do this, possibly a majority of the time.
I just find this attitude a little negative—as nasty as women suggesting that “all men are lazy”—which I do not agree with… though I have certainly seen many examples of it happening… and it’s another meme that I’m sure you can google for to find plenty of examples ;)
Actually, you might notice that I edited my original comment to remove the wording you’ve replied to, as on further thought I decided it was just a bit too reactionary. I changed what I was saying purely to the anecdotal discussions about how women often perceive men… based on their own maps of how people “should behave” or “should notice” them emotionally.
Again—not agreeing with that—I believe such views are laden with map-territory issues.
It took me personally a long time to realise that “he isn’t being insensitive… he just hasn’t learned the same cues I’m used to and he probably has lots of cues that I persistently fail to notice”
In cases like this, Bob can’t do as much.
Agreed—in some cases there’s a kind of emotional mexican stand-off—where both partners are unable or unwilling to take the steps necessary to solve the problem.
I also agree that in this case, Bob is not being lazy, though perhaps he’s not acting in an optimal fashion (or perhaps he is, but Alice is not). I offered my original “number 3” as just another possibility—not “what all men do”, after all :)
Oh certainly—I never claimed that it was not present (or even common), I was reacting to Silas use of the word “usually” which implies that a majority of women do this, possibly a majority of the time.
I just find this attitude a little negative—as nasty as women suggesting that “all men are lazy”—which I do not agree with… though I have certainly seen many examples of it happening… and it’s another meme that I’m sure you can google for to find plenty of examples ;)
Actually, you might notice that I edited my original comment to remove the wording you’ve replied to, as on further thought I decided it was just a bit too reactionary. I changed what I was saying purely to the anecdotal discussions about how women often perceive men… based on their own maps of how people “should behave” or “should notice” them emotionally.
Again—not agreeing with that—I believe such views are laden with map-territory issues.
It took me personally a long time to realise that “he isn’t being insensitive… he just hasn’t learned the same cues I’m used to and he probably has lots of cues that I persistently fail to notice”
Agreed—in some cases there’s a kind of emotional mexican stand-off—where both partners are unable or unwilling to take the steps necessary to solve the problem.
I also agree that in this case, Bob is not being lazy, though perhaps he’s not acting in an optimal fashion (or perhaps he is, but Alice is not). I offered my original “number 3” as just another possibility—not “what all men do”, after all :)