I think “friends” is too broad a category to explore options for this. I also suspect it’s not the right question to ask.
For close, long-term friends, the question shouldn’t be about signaling, but about communication with them, and with yourself. “I am at my limit” can be a condition that you should seek professional help to figure out if that’s a permanent limit, or if it can be exercised and increased. Depending on the friends’ group culture, they may or may not be able to assist in that recommendation, and are simply expressing it as “that’s way less than most people can do, you’re hurting yourself by accepting it before you’ve explored every option to increase it”.
For more distant relationships, like work-friends and friend-acquaintances, signaling gets much more complicated. Saying “I’m at my limit” is also saying ’I’m not a very good ally—my limit is low and you shouldn’t invest much in our relationship”. Many people look for alternate explanations for their lack of spoons in these contexts—too busy with other things, wiped out from other obligations, etc. These are true but misleading, but make it a lot easier to maintain the acquaintanceship without them trying to fix you without knowing you.
The specific signals and communication of your emotional and physical state and it’s impact on your interactions with people can vary EXTREMELY widely. In some groups, “I’m out of spoons, I’m going to take a bath and watch Netflix rather than our planned game night” is understood and accepted. In other groups, it would be an affront. Many cultures allow “migraine” as a somewhat-frequent reason for canceling, many have varying limits on when you’d be expected to “suck it up”.
I think “friends” is too broad a category to explore options for this. I also suspect it’s not the right question to ask.
For close, long-term friends, the question shouldn’t be about signaling, but about communication with them, and with yourself. “I am at my limit” can be a condition that you should seek professional help to figure out if that’s a permanent limit, or if it can be exercised and increased. Depending on the friends’ group culture, they may or may not be able to assist in that recommendation, and are simply expressing it as “that’s way less than most people can do, you’re hurting yourself by accepting it before you’ve explored every option to increase it”.
For more distant relationships, like work-friends and friend-acquaintances, signaling gets much more complicated. Saying “I’m at my limit” is also saying ’I’m not a very good ally—my limit is low and you shouldn’t invest much in our relationship”. Many people look for alternate explanations for their lack of spoons in these contexts—too busy with other things, wiped out from other obligations, etc. These are true but misleading, but make it a lot easier to maintain the acquaintanceship without them trying to fix you without knowing you.
The specific signals and communication of your emotional and physical state and it’s impact on your interactions with people can vary EXTREMELY widely. In some groups, “I’m out of spoons, I’m going to take a bath and watch Netflix rather than our planned game night” is understood and accepted. In other groups, it would be an affront. Many cultures allow “migraine” as a somewhat-frequent reason for canceling, many have varying limits on when you’d be expected to “suck it up”.
ooohhhh yes, this makes something clicked for me. I have not considered it in relation to simple acquaintances.