I used to be a giant creep. I knew I had no social skills, tried to develop some, and it backfired more often than not. For example, I knew I was clingy and unable to tell if people wanted to get rid of me. So I reasoned that I should just hover around people I wanted to talk to and make it unclear whether I was there because of them or by coincidence, so they would feel free to talk to me or not as they wished.
What helped was Internet articles like those linked above. Those actually explain what behaviors are desirable and undesirable, and basics of reading people.
I still don’t know the difference between “You should go away” and “Should I go away?”—verbal expressions of these are identical. “I’m leaving, bye” and “I’m leaving, wanna come along?” are also hard to distinguish.
I wonder what a normal person would do in a slightly trickier situation.
You and someone you’re only slightly acquainted with (I’m not sure the relationship I’ve ever had with anyone can be described as more than a slight acquaintance) start walking off along one, broad street both your destinations happen to lie close to, so deliberately avoiding that street is rather impractical and time- and energy-consuming, and you don’t exactly have the latter to spare. You’ve made the trip together once before, the preceding day, uneventfully, and you faintly hoped that might be a chance to break out of your lifelong social isolation. The other person is younger than you, but not to the point that you clearly have no business socializing with them.
Surprise! Someone else quickly catches up with you both. They’re half your age and just about the most popular and high-status person in the group you’re leaving for the day. It goes without saying their social bonds to everyone else in the group are orders of magnitude stronger than any you can dream of ever establishing, including to the person you were walking with. As naturally as they breathe, the third person says goodbye to you and starts talking lively to the other, who, surely enough, reciprocates and forgets about you. They don’t look the slightest bit interested in halting their chat to hear “Actually, I’m heading in the same direction” from you. Hence, you’re stuck with only a few unpleasant options:
Keep walking next to them, quietly and creepily. I suppose crossing the street and walking along the other side may reduce a bit the creepiness, but it’ll still be awkward if they ever notice.
Walk faster to leave them comfortably behind. Oh, if only you were young and fit like them!
Wait for them to leave you comfortably behind. Well, that sucks, because you’re tired, aching and in pressing need of reaching your bed and collapsing on it. You’re not sure you’ll have the energy left to take a shower first. With a fresher mind, you could at least use the wait to read or study a bit, but this is certainly not the case now.
Waste even more time and energy taking a detour.
Of course, the last two options are also massively awkward if they ever find out you did that only to avoid them.
On second thought, my initial question doesn’t make sense: a normal person will never let themself fall into this predicament, will they?
Yes, I know I’m replying to a nine-year-old comment.
As a kinda-maybe-normal person:
I would simply say “Actually, I’m heading in the same direction” loud enough for them to hear (their non-interest be damned).
I used to be a giant creep. I knew I had no social skills, tried to develop some, and it backfired more often than not. For example, I knew I was clingy and unable to tell if people wanted to get rid of me. So I reasoned that I should just hover around people I wanted to talk to and make it unclear whether I was there because of them or by coincidence, so they would feel free to talk to me or not as they wished.
What helped was Internet articles like those linked above. Those actually explain what behaviors are desirable and undesirable, and basics of reading people.
I still don’t know the difference between “You should go away” and “Should I go away?”—verbal expressions of these are identical. “I’m leaving, bye” and “I’m leaving, wanna come along?” are also hard to distinguish.
If they don’t tell you where they’re going, I guess it’s definitely the former.
I wonder what a normal person would do in a slightly trickier situation.
You and someone you’re only slightly acquainted with (I’m not sure the relationship I’ve ever had with anyone can be described as more than a slight acquaintance) start walking off along one, broad street both your destinations happen to lie close to, so deliberately avoiding that street is rather impractical and time- and energy-consuming, and you don’t exactly have the latter to spare. You’ve made the trip together once before, the preceding day, uneventfully, and you faintly hoped that might be a chance to break out of your lifelong social isolation. The other person is younger than you, but not to the point that you clearly have no business socializing with them.
Surprise! Someone else quickly catches up with you both. They’re half your age and just about the most popular and high-status person in the group you’re leaving for the day. It goes without saying their social bonds to everyone else in the group are orders of magnitude stronger than any you can dream of ever establishing, including to the person you were walking with. As naturally as they breathe, the third person says goodbye to you and starts talking lively to the other, who, surely enough, reciprocates and forgets about you. They don’t look the slightest bit interested in halting their chat to hear “Actually, I’m heading in the same direction” from you. Hence, you’re stuck with only a few unpleasant options:
Keep walking next to them, quietly and creepily. I suppose crossing the street and walking along the other side may reduce a bit the creepiness, but it’ll still be awkward if they ever notice.
Walk faster to leave them comfortably behind. Oh, if only you were young and fit like them!
Wait for them to leave you comfortably behind. Well, that sucks, because you’re tired, aching and in pressing need of reaching your bed and collapsing on it. You’re not sure you’ll have the energy left to take a shower first. With a fresher mind, you could at least use the wait to read or study a bit, but this is certainly not the case now.
Waste even more time and energy taking a detour.
Of course, the last two options are also massively awkward if they ever find out you did that only to avoid them.
On second thought, my initial question doesn’t make sense: a normal person will never let themself fall into this predicament, will they?
Yes, I know I’m replying to a nine-year-old comment.
As a kinda-maybe-normal person: I would simply say “Actually, I’m heading in the same direction” loud enough for them to hear (their non-interest be damned).