Ineptitude mostly. Doing something that could be interpreted as creepy in full knowledge is either a calculated risk or the act of an asshole. Assholes might sometimes be worth hanging out with, or being associated with from a social/political point of view. Creepy people have well below average social skills more or less by definition; associating with them is harmful to ones reputation. That’s why one gets the feeling of revulsion/contamination.
Female perspective- I see deliberate bad behavior as MUCH MUCH worse than ineptitude.
People who act deliberately bad are bad people and I don’t want them near me. Assholes are NOT worth hanging out with. Men who are ok with hanging out with these sorts of people (“Well they act deliberately bad towards women, but have social status/ are fun to be with, so...”) are supporting their deliberately bad behavior, and showing that they will not support women when men are deliberately bad towards them. I don’t want to hang out with THOSE sorts of guys either.
People who are just inept are not as scary, and can learn “ept-ness”. They might occasionally creep me out accidentally, but are not doing the deliberately bad things that I believe SHOULD result in social shunning.
In that case I am confused. Which is seen as creepier, deliberate bad behavior or ineptitude? Or do I completely misunderstand?
I haven’t actually made a claim about either deliberate bad behavior or malice. I do claim that there is a subset of situations and responses where the form of aware-noncompliance is less creepy than the ignorance. I doubt that subset overlaps all that much with the other subset of noncompliance which also constitutes either bad behavior or malice.
Not even noticing demands really does have the potential to convey a lot of creepiness.
In that case I am confused. Which is seen as creepier, deliberate bad behavior or ineptitude? Or do I completely misunderstand?
Ineptitude mostly. Doing something that could be interpreted as creepy in full knowledge is either a calculated risk or the act of an asshole. Assholes might sometimes be worth hanging out with, or being associated with from a social/political point of view. Creepy people have well below average social skills more or less by definition; associating with them is harmful to ones reputation. That’s why one gets the feeling of revulsion/contamination.
Female perspective- I see deliberate bad behavior as MUCH MUCH worse than ineptitude.
People who act deliberately bad are bad people and I don’t want them near me. Assholes are NOT worth hanging out with. Men who are ok with hanging out with these sorts of people (“Well they act deliberately bad towards women, but have social status/ are fun to be with, so...”) are supporting their deliberately bad behavior, and showing that they will not support women when men are deliberately bad towards them. I don’t want to hang out with THOSE sorts of guys either.
People who are just inept are not as scary, and can learn “ept-ness”. They might occasionally creep me out accidentally, but are not doing the deliberately bad things that I believe SHOULD result in social shunning.
I haven’t actually made a claim about either deliberate bad behavior or malice. I do claim that there is a subset of situations and responses where the form of aware-noncompliance is less creepy than the ignorance. I doubt that subset overlaps all that much with the other subset of noncompliance which also constitutes either bad behavior or malice.
Not even noticing demands really does have the potential to convey a lot of creepiness.