No, I am not saying that being a mind reader is required. Obviously we use physical and verbal cues. The point is that there is a goal to be achieved. The goal is not making people uncomfortable. It is not controlling the behavior of low status males.
The example was meant to provide a clear counterexample to “Don’t do X when low status.” That implies “X is acceptable when high status.” It isn’t. In fact, we often view high status creepers as much worse. It’s worse if the boss is touchy-feely at work than if a coworker is.
No, I am not saying that being a mind reader is required. Obviously we use physical and verbal cues.
Okay, but then why do you assume the problem is that the person doesn’t know X is wrong, rather than that the person misread the cues, and thus diagnose the problem with long expositions of “don’t do X” rather than “hey, here’s how to read cues better”?
More importantly, why do so many people respond as you did, despite it being about as helpful as “The problem is that you need to sell non-apples!”
Of course I do try to help people read cues better. However, the problem is behavior. Misreading cues can lead to bad behavior, but someone can know they are making someone else uncomfortable and still act that way. I make no assumption about why someone does something. I only ask that they stop.
My point were that accepting creepiness is not cool and that low status is not what makes the behavior wrong. They were not meant to help people avoid being creepy, and naturally are not helpful.
No, I am not saying that being a mind reader is required. Obviously we use physical and verbal cues. The point is that there is a goal to be achieved. The goal is not making people uncomfortable. It is not controlling the behavior of low status males.
The example was meant to provide a clear counterexample to “Don’t do X when low status.” That implies “X is acceptable when high status.” It isn’t. In fact, we often view high status creepers as much worse. It’s worse if the boss is touchy-feely at work than if a coworker is.
Okay, but then why do you assume the problem is that the person doesn’t know X is wrong, rather than that the person misread the cues, and thus diagnose the problem with long expositions of “don’t do X” rather than “hey, here’s how to read cues better”?
More importantly, why do so many people respond as you did, despite it being about as helpful as “The problem is that you need to sell non-apples!”
Of course I do try to help people read cues better. However, the problem is behavior. Misreading cues can lead to bad behavior, but someone can know they are making someone else uncomfortable and still act that way. I make no assumption about why someone does something. I only ask that they stop.
My point were that accepting creepiness is not cool and that low status is not what makes the behavior wrong. They were not meant to help people avoid being creepy, and naturally are not helpful.