To the point about using NVC for positive things to, as a manager I try to keep something like this in mind when giving feedback to reports, both to signal where they need to improve and to let them know when they’re doing well. I picked up the idea from reading books about how to parent and teach kids, but the same ideas apply.
The big thing, as I think of it, is to avoid making fundamental attribution errors, or as I really think of it, don’t treat your observations of behavior patterns as essential characteristics of a person. Both negative and positive character assignments, when given by an authority figure, can easily become stuck in people’s minds. This might not seem like a big deal, but, for example, if you tell someone “you’re a good communicator” that can cause them to be less likely to notice when they’re struggling with communication and will have a harder time accepting that they mishandled some communication because it threatens their identity as a good communicator.
Instead I try to focus on actions, like “you handled the communications with that customer well” or “I’ve been happy with how you’ve managed your recent projects”. Now I can’t stop people from drawing their own inferences from this to assume they have a character trait, but at least I’m not directly powering it, and I expect it prevents some amount of reification into character traits in peoples’ ontologies on the margin.
To the point about using NVC for positive things to, as a manager I try to keep something like this in mind when giving feedback to reports, both to signal where they need to improve and to let them know when they’re doing well. I picked up the idea from reading books about how to parent and teach kids, but the same ideas apply.
The big thing, as I think of it, is to avoid making fundamental attribution errors, or as I really think of it, don’t treat your observations of behavior patterns as essential characteristics of a person. Both negative and positive character assignments, when given by an authority figure, can easily become stuck in people’s minds. This might not seem like a big deal, but, for example, if you tell someone “you’re a good communicator” that can cause them to be less likely to notice when they’re struggling with communication and will have a harder time accepting that they mishandled some communication because it threatens their identity as a good communicator.
Instead I try to focus on actions, like “you handled the communications with that customer well” or “I’ve been happy with how you’ve managed your recent projects”. Now I can’t stop people from drawing their own inferences from this to assume they have a character trait, but at least I’m not directly powering it, and I expect it prevents some amount of reification into character traits in peoples’ ontologies on the margin.