The most important thing I discovered in regards to my current partnership is that the relationship is the thing that exists between the partners. The relationship is the choices that are made by both people.
In every previous situation, the relationship was dysfunctional because there was an unwillingness to acknowledge “what I want it to be,” “what the other person wants it to be,” and “what actually exists between us”.
(Think 500 Days of Summer, when Tom says “you can’t say we’re not a couple, we do all of the things couples do” and Summer says “I can say we’re not a couple because I only want something casual,” and what actually exists between them centers on the illusion of emotional intimacy, the practicality of exclusive sex, and the decision that “hoping the other person will change their minds about what they want” is better than “putting in the effort to find someone new” and/or “accepting the pain and effort that comes with ending a relationship that is not giving me what I want.”)
Everything changed the day I realized that an action could only be considered “of the relationship” if it were willingly entered into by all parties in the relationship. This applies to families and friendships as well as romantic relationships/adult partnerships.
The most important thing I discovered in regards to my current partnership is that the relationship is the thing that exists between the partners. The relationship is the choices that are made by both people.
In every previous situation, the relationship was dysfunctional because there was an unwillingness to acknowledge “what I want it to be,” “what the other person wants it to be,” and “what actually exists between us”.
(Think 500 Days of Summer, when Tom says “you can’t say we’re not a couple, we do all of the things couples do” and Summer says “I can say we’re not a couple because I only want something casual,” and what actually exists between them centers on the illusion of emotional intimacy, the practicality of exclusive sex, and the decision that “hoping the other person will change their minds about what they want” is better than “putting in the effort to find someone new” and/or “accepting the pain and effort that comes with ending a relationship that is not giving me what I want.”)
Everything changed the day I realized that an action could only be considered “of the relationship” if it were willingly entered into by all parties in the relationship. This applies to families and friendships as well as romantic relationships/adult partnerships.
I can expand on this if you want...