In that respect, at least, the way we perceive “social reality” is remarkably similar to the way we perceive “physical reality”.
I agree that a neurotypical sees social cues on the perceptual level in much the same way as they recognize some photons as coming from “the sky” on the perceptual level. I think my complaint is that the question of “is my coworker complimenting or insulting me?” is operating on a higher level of abstraction, and has a strategic and tactical component. Even if your coworker has cued their statement as a compliment, that may in fact be evidence for it being an insult—and in order to determine that, you need a detailed model of your coworker and possibly conscious deliberation. Even if your coworker has genuinely intended a compliment, you may be better served by perceiving it as an insult.
To give a somewhat benign example, if the coworker cued something ambiguously positive and you infer that they wanted to compliment you, you might want to communicate to them that they would be better off cuing something unambiguously positive if they want to be perceived as complimenting others. (Less benign examples of deliberate misinterpretation probably suggest themselves.)
I agree that a neurotypical sees social cues on the perceptual level in much the same way as they recognize some photons as coming from “the sky” on the perceptual level. I think my complaint is that the question of “is my coworker complimenting or insulting me?” is operating on a higher level of abstraction, and has a strategic and tactical component. Even if your coworker has cued their statement as a compliment, that may in fact be evidence for it being an insult—and in order to determine that, you need a detailed model of your coworker and possibly conscious deliberation. Even if your coworker has genuinely intended a compliment, you may be better served by perceiving it as an insult.
To give a somewhat benign example, if the coworker cued something ambiguously positive and you infer that they wanted to compliment you, you might want to communicate to them that they would be better off cuing something unambiguously positive if they want to be perceived as complimenting others. (Less benign examples of deliberate misinterpretation probably suggest themselves.)