One thing I’ve learned from having mostly male friends who sometimes complain about their dating lives is no matter how much of an asshole I feel like when I turn someone down, it’s much less than the asshole I’m actually being if I don’t tell them.
Strongly agree in general...
This is why I always respond to new messages on OKC that aren’t outright rude, offensive, or all textspeak (and even then I sometimes do).
I might be unusual here, but I actually consider online dating to be kind of a special case. My usual strategy is to message anyone I’d want to go on a date with, and then forget I sent the message. This means if my mailbox turns pink, it’s a pleasant surprise, and there might be a date in the offing. Finding instead a polite rejection is a bit disappointing.
That is, IRL, if we’re friends/acquaintances, and I’m politely/vaguely suggesting that I’d like us to date, and you’re picking up on that, it is totally good for you to shoot me down, so that I can quit wasting mental/emotional energy. Online where things are more explicit, the only waste of mental/emotional energy is when I’m logging in to find a message, only to find a rejection.
My usual strategy is to message anyone I’d want to go on a date with, and then forget I sent the message.
I’m actually the same way, but I think a lot of people aren’t. Or even if they are, it’s kind of draining to put so much energy over time into writing messages and get nothing out of it. Being politely turned down is at least an acknowledgement.
In practice, I almost never get to the point of having to explicitly turn someone down, though. Either one-sided clicks don’t happen that often, or when they do, the other person gets the hint I’m not interested.
Strongly agree in general...
I might be unusual here, but I actually consider online dating to be kind of a special case. My usual strategy is to message anyone I’d want to go on a date with, and then forget I sent the message. This means if my mailbox turns pink, it’s a pleasant surprise, and there might be a date in the offing. Finding instead a polite rejection is a bit disappointing.
That is, IRL, if we’re friends/acquaintances, and I’m politely/vaguely suggesting that I’d like us to date, and you’re picking up on that, it is totally good for you to shoot me down, so that I can quit wasting mental/emotional energy. Online where things are more explicit, the only waste of mental/emotional energy is when I’m logging in to find a message, only to find a rejection.
I’m actually the same way, but I think a lot of people aren’t. Or even if they are, it’s kind of draining to put so much energy over time into writing messages and get nothing out of it. Being politely turned down is at least an acknowledgement.
In practice, I almost never get to the point of having to explicitly turn someone down, though. Either one-sided clicks don’t happen that often, or when they do, the other person gets the hint I’m not interested.