Dating: The girl from my previous post cancelled on me 30 minutes before we were going to meet. Then the next week she invited me out to lunch and cancelled again, an hour out. So I guess she didn’t actually like me.
Then I went on a blind date with FOAF and that went OK. I took her out again but there was just no romantic chemistry, so it was a couple of nice times but that was the end of that.
I’ve been trying to get better at reading the subtext of social interactions to tell when someone is interested. I noticed that a single friend had been getting touchy with me when she hadn’t been before, calling me by a cute new nickname, getting flustered when I teased her, etc. So when she offered to make me a dinner I decided it was worth taking a chance, toward the end of the night I held her hand...and she DID NOT like it. Unambiguous (but friendly) rejection. Confirmation bias on my part, I suppose.
So still failing. Still working hard to improve.
I’m beginning to suspect that there’s a big difference between the way I see myself and the way others see me, i.e., I’m actually unattractive to most women. This is a hard pill to swallow, but if it’s true, then I want to believe it’s true.
So here’s what I’ll be doing over the next two months:
Improve appearance as much as possible. Get shirts tailored, start lifting, whiten teeth.
Work on empathy. Imitate the gestures of whoever’s speaking. Dedicate time to thinking about others when they’re not around: “I wonder what he’s doing right now?”, “I wonder what she thinks about that?”
Meet lots of people. Start more conversations with strangers. Go to some of the tech meetups in the city and mingle. Go to some cooking classes. Keep notes and review them.
This is gradually becoming the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Hopefully that will make it all the more rewarding when it finally works out!
I noticed throughout your post you said “turns out she didn’t like me” twice, as if this was a simple boolean value that you have to find out the value of.
The truth is that attraction is pretty malleable and it’s totally possible that your friend had romantic interest in you which disappeared while having dinner with her, or that the potential date that cancelled on you twice was turned off through non-physical interactions (texts, phonecalls).
Your 3 step action plan sounds solid though. The fundamentals of pick up artistry will also help a ton.
Good plan! I’ll have to add #2 to my own practice list.
If you’re going to be meeting lots of new people, I’d also make an emphasis on remembering their names and using them often. It’s a subtle but effective compliment. I’ve gotten much better at the remembering part, but I’m not very good at casually dropping them into a conversation.
For fashion stuff, I’ve found r/malefashionadvice very useful, though it targets a fairly conservative look by default. In particular the guides on the sidebar often provide pretty specific advice and it’s a good forum for asking questions. Ignore any internet drama currently on the front page (not typical).
Dating: The girl from my previous post cancelled on me 30 minutes before we were going to meet. Then the next week she invited me out to lunch and cancelled again, an hour out. So I guess she didn’t actually like me.
Then I went on a blind date with FOAF and that went OK. I took her out again but there was just no romantic chemistry, so it was a couple of nice times but that was the end of that.
I’ve been trying to get better at reading the subtext of social interactions to tell when someone is interested. I noticed that a single friend had been getting touchy with me when she hadn’t been before, calling me by a cute new nickname, getting flustered when I teased her, etc. So when she offered to make me a dinner I decided it was worth taking a chance, toward the end of the night I held her hand...and she DID NOT like it. Unambiguous (but friendly) rejection. Confirmation bias on my part, I suppose.
So still failing. Still working hard to improve.
I’m beginning to suspect that there’s a big difference between the way I see myself and the way others see me, i.e., I’m actually unattractive to most women. This is a hard pill to swallow, but if it’s true, then I want to believe it’s true.
So here’s what I’ll be doing over the next two months:
Improve appearance as much as possible. Get shirts tailored, start lifting, whiten teeth.
Work on empathy. Imitate the gestures of whoever’s speaking. Dedicate time to thinking about others when they’re not around: “I wonder what he’s doing right now?”, “I wonder what she thinks about that?”
Meet lots of people. Start more conversations with strangers. Go to some of the tech meetups in the city and mingle. Go to some cooking classes. Keep notes and review them.
This is gradually becoming the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Hopefully that will make it all the more rewarding when it finally works out!
I noticed throughout your post you said “turns out she didn’t like me” twice, as if this was a simple boolean value that you have to find out the value of.
The truth is that attraction is pretty malleable and it’s totally possible that your friend had romantic interest in you which disappeared while having dinner with her, or that the potential date that cancelled on you twice was turned off through non-physical interactions (texts, phonecalls).
Your 3 step action plan sounds solid though. The fundamentals of pick up artistry will also help a ton.
Good plan! I’ll have to add #2 to my own practice list.
If you’re going to be meeting lots of new people, I’d also make an emphasis on remembering their names and using them often. It’s a subtle but effective compliment. I’ve gotten much better at the remembering part, but I’m not very good at casually dropping them into a conversation.
For fashion stuff, I’ve found r/malefashionadvice very useful, though it targets a fairly conservative look by default. In particular the guides on the sidebar often provide pretty specific advice and it’s a good forum for asking questions. Ignore any internet drama currently on the front page (not typical).
It looks like you meant to include a link but it disappeared. This can happen when you put the URL first rather than the link text.
Thanks, fixed.
Is there something missing?