“I’m realizing that as much as I like our relationship, it’s really not working for me to be dating a smoker, so I’ve decided I’m not going to. Of course, my preferred outcome is that you stop smoking, not that we break up, but I realize that might not make sense for you at this point.”
I especially like that it is pointed out that it can be interpreted as an ultimatum of the first kind i.e. as exerting pressure to get ones will despite it being meant cheritably. I have explicitly made this experience multiple times. I guess some people always look for whether and how a situation is controlled. And pattern match both kinds of ultimatums against the pressure form.
Problem is that you don’t always know in time because such cases don’t necessarily materialize in sufficient clarity early on. Esp. if one or both wear rose colored glasses.
My favorite part is the concrete example.
I especially like that it is pointed out that it can be interpreted as an ultimatum of the first kind i.e. as exerting pressure to get ones will despite it being meant cheritably. I have explicitly made this experience multiple times. I guess some people always look for whether and how a situation is controlled. And pattern match both kinds of ultimatums against the pressure form.
Oh, totally. Some people will only be able to hear the second one as the first one. I definitely don’t want to date them.
Some people will only be able to say the first one as the second one. Also not good.
Problem is that you don’t always know in time because such cases don’t necessarily materialize in sufficient clarity early on. Esp. if one or both wear rose colored glasses.