Changed emotional response/optimized routine: After taking a job in my hometown, I became convinced my next step should be to move out of my family home, despite offers to stay. Every emotional response made this “feel” right. It showed maturity, it allowed for greater privacy and freedom, and it lent a vague sense of “mine” to everything I did. It would also drain my bank account but it would be “worth it.”
Instead of going with those feelings, I sat down and did some research on home renting and home ownership, then crunched the numbers of my budget. I saw that, obviously, not renting or buying would lead to a much, much greater payoff five years down the road. But I still felt that the “best” thing would be to move out. I would have space and silence enough to work on projects without interruption, I would control my diet without having to coordinate with a family that loves fast food. It felt vaguely worth all the income I would lose, even though I had no actual values to judge by.
Before making a decision to move out, I reframed the question by asking myself: “if someone agreed to pay me $10,000 a year to live with my family, would I do it?” Looking at the question in that light helped me change my emotional response. It basically turned living with my family into a second job. It eliminated the romanticism and cynicism of moving out (that “it’s more free” and “I can’t do anything here” set of feelings).
I decided to stay in my family home for the duration of my current job (3 to 5 years). Making that choice immediately started the process of eliminating the difficulties I had been treating as excuses for why I should move out now. My job allows me a private space that I can retreat to whenever I want, so privacy is no concern. I make my own breakfast and lunch anyway, so diet, while not something I can yet fully control (given our limited pantry/storage space), I can at least improve bit by bit. And, with a fully worked out budget, I can begin this month investment ventures I thought I’d have to put off for several years.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s very astute of you to flip your perspective this way. I think I’ll steal that reframe to remind myself of the importance of managing home upkeep and relationships. I’ve been getting lazy about both, due to lack of positive feedback. “Why even bother when I’m the only one trying?”. Very discouraging, makes it easy to forget that I was doing it for my own benefit in the first place.
Changed emotional response/optimized routine: After taking a job in my hometown, I became convinced my next step should be to move out of my family home, despite offers to stay. Every emotional response made this “feel” right. It showed maturity, it allowed for greater privacy and freedom, and it lent a vague sense of “mine” to everything I did. It would also drain my bank account but it would be “worth it.”
Instead of going with those feelings, I sat down and did some research on home renting and home ownership, then crunched the numbers of my budget. I saw that, obviously, not renting or buying would lead to a much, much greater payoff five years down the road. But I still felt that the “best” thing would be to move out. I would have space and silence enough to work on projects without interruption, I would control my diet without having to coordinate with a family that loves fast food. It felt vaguely worth all the income I would lose, even though I had no actual values to judge by.
Before making a decision to move out, I reframed the question by asking myself: “if someone agreed to pay me $10,000 a year to live with my family, would I do it?” Looking at the question in that light helped me change my emotional response. It basically turned living with my family into a second job. It eliminated the romanticism and cynicism of moving out (that “it’s more free” and “I can’t do anything here” set of feelings).
I decided to stay in my family home for the duration of my current job (3 to 5 years). Making that choice immediately started the process of eliminating the difficulties I had been treating as excuses for why I should move out now. My job allows me a private space that I can retreat to whenever I want, so privacy is no concern. I make my own breakfast and lunch anyway, so diet, while not something I can yet fully control (given our limited pantry/storage space), I can at least improve bit by bit. And, with a fully worked out budget, I can begin this month investment ventures I thought I’d have to put off for several years.
Huh. That’s quite a reframe.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s very astute of you to flip your perspective this way. I think I’ll steal that reframe to remind myself of the importance of managing home upkeep and relationships. I’ve been getting lazy about both, due to lack of positive feedback. “Why even bother when I’m the only one trying?”. Very discouraging, makes it easy to forget that I was doing it for my own benefit in the first place.