“Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view”—this is just straight up hard for me, especially if I’m talking to a stranger and am also just trying to keep track of the content of what I’m saying and he’s saying, while avoiding social faux pas. It seems about as hard as “remember to multiply three-digit numbers in your head while you have your conversation!” Am I missing something?
Which parts of this are hardest—are you able to do things like guess at when a jargon word would be unfamiliar to the person you’re talking to?
Or is the difficulty more in having to remind yourself something like, “Oh right, some people honestly believe X,” and then ask yourself, “So what would that make them think about Y?” while the conversation is ongoing?
I can usually tailor the level of jargon correctly. What I can’t do that well is figure out how to not make my presence burdensome—I can feel that I need to “come up with something to say” that makes it worth talking to me, and I’m not great at coming up with those quickly. (When a kid says “tell me a story”, I can’t do that either. I’m great at discussions, where you have to speak off the cuff in relation to some subject, but open-ended improv is hell.)
You have the option of repeating back to people what they have just said or asked. “your question was xyz”. “oh you want x”. It’s good for validation of what they say, it’s good for giving you a bit more time to talk.
You might like to read the book “impro” to understand how spontaneous responses are supposed to work.
Interesting—I wouldn’t have connected that to seeing from another’s point of view. Is there a connection there I’m missing? They seem like separate skills to me.
Which parts of this are hardest—are you able to do things like guess at when a jargon word would be unfamiliar to the person you’re talking to?
Or is the difficulty more in having to remind yourself something like, “Oh right, some people honestly believe X,” and then ask yourself, “So what would that make them think about Y?” while the conversation is ongoing?
I can usually tailor the level of jargon correctly. What I can’t do that well is figure out how to not make my presence burdensome—I can feel that I need to “come up with something to say” that makes it worth talking to me, and I’m not great at coming up with those quickly. (When a kid says “tell me a story”, I can’t do that either. I’m great at discussions, where you have to speak off the cuff in relation to some subject, but open-ended improv is hell.)
You have the option of repeating back to people what they have just said or asked. “your question was xyz”. “oh you want x”. It’s good for validation of what they say, it’s good for giving you a bit more time to talk.
You might like to read the book “impro” to understand how spontaneous responses are supposed to work.
Interesting—I wouldn’t have connected that to seeing from another’s point of view. Is there a connection there I’m missing? They seem like separate skills to me.