I’ve enlarged my social circles, or the set of circles I can comfortably move in, and didn’t end up on that model. I think I originally felt that way a lot, and I worked on the “feeling like doing a dramatic facepalm” by reflecting on it in light of my values. When dramatic face palms aren’t going to accomplish anything good, I examine why I have that feeling and usually I find out it’s because my political brain is engaged even when this isn’t a situation where I’ll get good outcomes from political-style conversation. You can potentially change your feelings so that other responses that you value become natural.
A warning though, it took me a long time to learn how to do this in a manner that didn’t make me feel conflicted. There’s always the danger of “I was nice to the person even after they said X” priming you in a bad way. You could also do even worse than before in terms of your values, simply because you’re inexperienced with the non-facepalm response and do it badly. I think it was worth it for me, but depending on your situation it might be dangerous to mess with.
I’ve enlarged my social circles, or the set of circles I can comfortably move in, and didn’t end up on that model. I think I originally felt that way a lot, and I worked on the “feeling like doing a dramatic facepalm” by reflecting on it in light of my values. When dramatic face palms aren’t going to accomplish anything good, I examine why I have that feeling and usually I find out it’s because my political brain is engaged even when this isn’t a situation where I’ll get good outcomes from political-style conversation. You can potentially change your feelings so that other responses that you value become natural.
A warning though, it took me a long time to learn how to do this in a manner that didn’t make me feel conflicted. There’s always the danger of “I was nice to the person even after they said X” priming you in a bad way. You could also do even worse than before in terms of your values, simply because you’re inexperienced with the non-facepalm response and do it badly. I think it was worth it for me, but depending on your situation it might be dangerous to mess with.