“If I was going to add another I think it would be
Have fun
Talking to people who really disagree with you can represent a very enjoyable intellectual exploration if you approach it the right way. Detach yourself from your own opinions, circumstances and feelings and instead view the conversation as a neutral observer who was just encountering the debate for the first time. Appreciate the time the other person is putting into expressing their points. Reflect on how wrong most people have been throughout history and how hard it is to be confident about anything. Don’t focus just yet on the consequences or social desirability of the different views being expressed—just evaluate how true they seem to be on their merits. Sometimes this perspective is described as ‘being philosophical’.”
I think “have fun” deserves to be in the original post!!
I look at disagreements as fun challenges. When I consider myself more rational or knowledgeable than the other people involved, I give myself a lot more responsibility for the opening/changing of their minds than I give them. If it doesn’t work, I don’t think “ugh, this person is an idiot”… I think “I wonder what I could have done to communicate more effectively with this person in particular.” For example, I just deconverted from Christianity, and lots of people who unfortunately think I’m going to hell want to talk about it. In these conversations, I don’t always say what I want to say. Instead, I say what I think will be most likely to make the person uncomfortable enough to stop and think.
For many people, especially more emotional ones, this means going on the defensive instead of the offensive. I’ll tell them about how I yearned and prayed for years for a stronger faith. I’ll say that if God were going to answer any prayer, that would seem like a good one to answer. I’ll show them an MBTI study that shows all the “T” types are more likely to deconvert than the “F” types and say glumly that if they ended up being right after all, culture/upbringing wasn’t the only way God seemed to play favorites. This turns out to be a good strategy for people who believe pure childlike faith is a virtue, since it makes them uncomfortable that I really wanted a strong faith too, but it was more of a struggle for me.
For people who are more interested in actual facts, I’ll be more likely to ask their opinion on the Census of Quirinius or share how I just learned how the least complex fossils are found in the oldest, deepest layers of rock, and ask why they think that might be. This is a better strategy for the (few) people who think that their faith is totally backed up by evidence.
I’ve gotten almost everyone to stop and think a LOT and have somehow managed to stay on good terms with almost everyone.
In any disagreement, you have to choose between using facts vs. emotional appeals. The fun part is tailoring to your audience and figuring out which facts/emotional appeals in particular would be most likely to get through to the other person.
I’ll re-post this comment as well:
“If I was going to add another I think it would be
Have fun
Talking to people who really disagree with you can represent a very enjoyable intellectual exploration if you approach it the right way. Detach yourself from your own opinions, circumstances and feelings and instead view the conversation as a neutral observer who was just encountering the debate for the first time. Appreciate the time the other person is putting into expressing their points. Reflect on how wrong most people have been throughout history and how hard it is to be confident about anything. Don’t focus just yet on the consequences or social desirability of the different views being expressed—just evaluate how true they seem to be on their merits. Sometimes this perspective is described as ‘being philosophical’.”
I think “have fun” deserves to be in the original post!!
I look at disagreements as fun challenges. When I consider myself more rational or knowledgeable than the other people involved, I give myself a lot more responsibility for the opening/changing of their minds than I give them. If it doesn’t work, I don’t think “ugh, this person is an idiot”… I think “I wonder what I could have done to communicate more effectively with this person in particular.” For example, I just deconverted from Christianity, and lots of people who unfortunately think I’m going to hell want to talk about it. In these conversations, I don’t always say what I want to say. Instead, I say what I think will be most likely to make the person uncomfortable enough to stop and think.
For many people, especially more emotional ones, this means going on the defensive instead of the offensive. I’ll tell them about how I yearned and prayed for years for a stronger faith. I’ll say that if God were going to answer any prayer, that would seem like a good one to answer. I’ll show them an MBTI study that shows all the “T” types are more likely to deconvert than the “F” types and say glumly that if they ended up being right after all, culture/upbringing wasn’t the only way God seemed to play favorites. This turns out to be a good strategy for people who believe pure childlike faith is a virtue, since it makes them uncomfortable that I really wanted a strong faith too, but it was more of a struggle for me.
For people who are more interested in actual facts, I’ll be more likely to ask their opinion on the Census of Quirinius or share how I just learned how the least complex fossils are found in the oldest, deepest layers of rock, and ask why they think that might be. This is a better strategy for the (few) people who think that their faith is totally backed up by evidence.
I’ve gotten almost everyone to stop and think a LOT and have somehow managed to stay on good terms with almost everyone.
In any disagreement, you have to choose between using facts vs. emotional appeals. The fun part is tailoring to your audience and figuring out which facts/emotional appeals in particular would be most likely to get through to the other person.