I struggle with prioritising what to read. Additionally, but less of a problem, I struggle to motivate myself to read things. Some introspection:
The problem is that my mind desires to “have read” something more than desiring the state of “reading” it. Either because I imagine the prestige or self-satisfaction that comes with thinking “hehe, I read the thing,” or because I actually desire the the knowledge for its own sake, but I don’t desire the attaining of it, I desire the having of it.[1]
Could I goodhart-hack this by rewarding myself for reading and feeling ashamed of myself for actually finishing a whole post? Probably not. I think perhaps my problem is that I’m always trying to cut the enemy, so I can’t take my eyes off it for long enough to innocently experience the inherent joy of seeing interesting patterns. When I do feel the most joy, I’m usually descending unnecessarily deep into a rabbit hole.
“What are all the cell adhesion molecules, how are they synthesised, and is the synthesis bottlenecked by a particular nutrient I can supplement?!”
Nay, I think my larger problem is always having a million things that I really want to read, and I feel a desparate urge to go through all of them—yesterday at the latest! So when I do feel joy at the nice patterns I learn, I feel a quiet unease at the back of my mind calling me to finish this as soon as possible so we can start on the next urgent thing to read.
(The more I think about it, the more I realise just how annoying that constant impatient nagging is when I’m trying to read something. It’s not intense, but it really diminishes the joy. While I do endorse impatience and always trying to cut the enemy, I’m very likely too impatient for my own good. On the margin, I’d make speedier progress with more slack.)
If this is correct, then maybe what I need to do is to—well, close all my tabs for a start—separate out the process of collecting from the process of reading. I’ll make a rule: If I see a whole new thing that I want to read, I’m strictly forbidden to actually read it until at least a day has passed. If I’m already engaged in a particular question/topic, then I can seek out and read information about it, but I can only start on new topics if it’s in my collection from at least a day ago.
I’m probably intuitively overestimating the a new thing’s value relative to the things in my collections anyway, just because it feels more novel. If instead I only read things from my collection, I’ll gradually build up an enthusiasm for it that can compete with my old enthusiasm for aimless novelty—especially as I experience my new process outperforming my old.
My enthusiasm for “read all the newly-discovered things!” is not necessarily the optimal way to experience the most enthusiasm for reading, it’s just stuck in a myopic equilibrium I can beat with a little activation energy.
What this ends up looking like is frantically skimming through the paper until I find the patterns I’m looking for, and I end up being so frustrated that I can’t immediately find it that the experience ends up being unpleasant.
I struggle with prioritising what to read. Additionally, but less of a problem, I struggle to motivate myself to read things. Some introspection:
The problem is that my mind desires to “have read” something more than desiring the state of “reading” it. Either because I imagine the prestige or self-satisfaction that comes with thinking “hehe, I read the thing,” or because I actually desire the the knowledge for its own sake, but I don’t desire the attaining of it, I desire the having of it.[1]
Could I goodhart-hack this by rewarding myself for reading and feeling ashamed of myself for actually finishing a whole post? Probably not. I think perhaps my problem is that I’m always trying to cut the enemy, so I can’t take my eyes off it for long enough to innocently experience the inherent joy of seeing interesting patterns. When I do feel the most joy, I’m usually descending unnecessarily deep into a rabbit hole.
Nay, I think my larger problem is always having a million things that I really want to read, and I feel a desparate urge to go through all of them—yesterday at the latest! So when I do feel joy at the nice patterns I learn, I feel a quiet unease at the back of my mind calling me to finish this as soon as possible so we can start on the next urgent thing to read.
(The more I think about it, the more I realise just how annoying that constant impatient nagging is when I’m trying to read something. It’s not intense, but it really diminishes the joy. While I do endorse impatience and always trying to cut the enemy, I’m very likely too impatient for my own good. On the margin, I’d make speedier progress with more slack.)
If this is correct, then maybe what I need to do is to—well, close all my tabs for a start—separate out the process of collecting from the process of reading. I’ll make a rule: If I see a whole new thing that I want to read, I’m strictly forbidden to actually read it until at least a day has passed. If I’m already engaged in a particular question/topic, then I can seek out and read information about it, but I can only start on new topics if it’s in my collection from at least a day ago.
I’m probably intuitively overestimating the a new thing’s value relative to the things in my collections anyway, just because it feels more novel. If instead I only read things from my collection, I’ll gradually build up an enthusiasm for it that can compete with my old enthusiasm for aimless novelty—especially as I experience my new process outperforming my old.
My enthusiasm for “read all the newly-discovered things!” is not necessarily the optimal way to experience the most enthusiasm for reading, it’s just stuck in a myopic equilibrium I can beat with a little activation energy.
What this ends up looking like is frantically skimming through the paper until I find the patterns I’m looking for, and I end up being so frustrated that I can’t immediately find it that the experience ends up being unpleasant.