N.B. For my first 20 posts, I will keep editing light in order to optimize for feedback quality. If you have suggestions on how a piece can be improved, especially one of these first 20, please communicate it to me — I will be very grateful! So, read this as essentially a first draft.
A few things jump to mind right away:
Not clear why I should read this from the start. What am I going to get out of reading this? Since I’m not already familiar with your writing, I don’t have trust that it’s worth reading.
Large paragraphs make this hard to scan so it wasn’t easy to jump around and see if there was something in here that was interesting that warranted reading the whole thing start to end.
Ditto for lack of exposed structure (headings).
Everything mating related felt overly serious for its lack of nuance. Something to watch out for because simplified examples about things people care a lot about will either turn them off or turn on their desire to object because they don’t like something you said at the object level even if your example was right about how it was using the abstraction but wrong about the facts through which the abstraction was explained.
A few things jump to mind right away:
Not clear why I should read this from the start. What am I going to get out of reading this? Since I’m not already familiar with your writing, I don’t have trust that it’s worth reading.
Large paragraphs make this hard to scan so it wasn’t easy to jump around and see if there was something in here that was interesting that warranted reading the whole thing start to end.
Ditto for lack of exposed structure (headings).
Everything mating related felt overly serious for its lack of nuance. Something to watch out for because simplified examples about things people care a lot about will either turn them off or turn on their desire to object because they don’t like something you said at the object level even if your example was right about how it was using the abstraction but wrong about the facts through which the abstraction was explained.