You sound depressed. That emotional numbness? That sounds like anhedonia. I get that when my brain is in a depression cycle. It’s not surprising when you fall from your expectation of godhood. I know that you don’t mean that literally, but it sounds to me like you may be holding yourself up to an impossible standard, and I think that you should be kinder to yourself.
The future is unknown. What if the Singularity does turn out to be real in our lifetime, but it makes money obsolete? The whole point of the Singularity is we have no frame of reference, so singularly focusing on one particular possibility sounds suboptimal. If your prediction is off, you may over-optimize for a future that never comes.
If you have the resources, I suggest that you talk to a therapist. They can really help you sort out feelings like this. They have tools that are otherwise hard to find. They are trained in helping people overcome their biases, and find a better balance.
In any case, you aren’t alone. I have the perspective of an additional 20 years, but I have felt similar to you. Now, I’m much happier and kinder: both to myself and others. I have a job that I love, two wonderful partners, a rich social life, and a son on the verge of becoming an adult. I spend time with people that I love, invest what I can for the future, but remember that today is just as important.
It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to reach out to friends that you haven’t spoken to in a long time. It’s okay to talk to a therapist. It’s okay not to, but just remember that you can. I’m not a therapist, but if it would help, I’ll listen.
You sound depressed. That emotional numbness? That sounds like anhedonia. I get that when my brain is in a depression cycle. It’s not surprising when you fall from your expectation of godhood. I know that you don’t mean that literally, but it sounds to me like you may be holding yourself up to an impossible standard, and I think that you should be kinder to yourself.
The future is unknown. What if the Singularity does turn out to be real in our lifetime, but it makes money obsolete? The whole point of the Singularity is we have no frame of reference, so singularly focusing on one particular possibility sounds suboptimal. If your prediction is off, you may over-optimize for a future that never comes.
If you have the resources, I suggest that you talk to a therapist. They can really help you sort out feelings like this. They have tools that are otherwise hard to find. They are trained in helping people overcome their biases, and find a better balance.
In any case, you aren’t alone. I have the perspective of an additional 20 years, but I have felt similar to you. Now, I’m much happier and kinder: both to myself and others. I have a job that I love, two wonderful partners, a rich social life, and a son on the verge of becoming an adult. I spend time with people that I love, invest what I can for the future, but remember that today is just as important.
It’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to reach out to friends that you haven’t spoken to in a long time. It’s okay to talk to a therapist. It’s okay not to, but just remember that you can. I’m not a therapist, but if it would help, I’ll listen.