E.g. “I notice what feels like an undertone of aggression in your comment, and I notice some defensiveness in myself.”
I am really behind making this sort of communication more of a norm. There have been many times when I’ve wanted to tell someone how I’ve felt, yet also let them know that I didn’t necessarily agree with or identify with how I was feeling, and I ended up staying silent because it all seemed like to much to explain.
Establishing common knowledge that what you feel doesn’t automatically inform what you think would go a long way to making it easier to clearly communicate.
This kind of thing is a “given” in certain spaces. The practices of Circling, Focusing, Nonviolent Communication, and Internal Family Systems all try to distance oneself a little from one’s experiences / feelings and treat them as ‘objects’ or ‘observations’ or even ‘subagents’ without auto-judgment. The practicers tend to be good about not making the assumption that “I feel X” means “I endorse X,” and this is obvious from the way they communicate with each other.
It is one of the things I’d love to see more of in rationality spaces.
I am really behind making this sort of communication more of a norm. There have been many times when I’ve wanted to tell someone how I’ve felt, yet also let them know that I didn’t necessarily agree with or identify with how I was feeling, and I ended up staying silent because it all seemed like to much to explain.
Establishing common knowledge that what you feel doesn’t automatically inform what you think would go a long way to making it easier to clearly communicate.
This kind of thing is a “given” in certain spaces. The practices of Circling, Focusing, Nonviolent Communication, and Internal Family Systems all try to distance oneself a little from one’s experiences / feelings and treat them as ‘objects’ or ‘observations’ or even ‘subagents’ without auto-judgment. The practicers tend to be good about not making the assumption that “I feel X” means “I endorse X,” and this is obvious from the way they communicate with each other.
It is one of the things I’d love to see more of in rationality spaces.