Has anyone here ever purposefully stopped talking to or responding to someone they know? Can you describe the the thought process behind it?
Not everyone finds it easy to say “No.” (See here, for instance.) If someone has been hinting at something long enough and the other person just doesn’t get it, silence may be the last recourse out of an unpleasant situation without actually coughing out some straightforward denials.
Also, the process of rejecting someone outright and in clear terms can be hurtful for both parties; if the rejecter doesn’t particularly hate the rejectee, they may well wish to avoid being the direct cause of that pain. That may be a case of washing their hands with some omission bias, but it’s not obviously-and-universally-true-in-all-cases that failing to respond is never any better than playing mute.
In short, the thought process may be as simple as wanting to spare someone pain. “I’m not interested in seeing you any more” is the painful directness that many want to steer clear of, while “Sorry I can’t make it I’m busy” is an example of a hint that other people may not get. Some people have no problem making the connection that “Sorry I can’t make it I’m busy” means “No”, but others do, and they’ll see it as essentially the same as “Sorry I can’t make it I’m busy but how about tomorrow,” which is a fundamentally different response. I don’t remember when I realized the difference myself, but I think it was an “A-ha!” of a decent size.
I definitely understand “Sorry I can’t make it I’m busy” as a placeholder for “No,” and I would understand no further response after something dismissive like that.
I don’t understand not even a dismissive response.
Have you ruled out the possibility that the people who stopped talking to you were trying to feed you different kinds of placeholders? Not everyone resorts to the same clichés, and subtle hints can get too subtle easily.
Not everyone finds it easy to say “No.” (See here, for instance.) If someone has been hinting at something long enough and the other person just doesn’t get it, silence may be the last recourse out of an unpleasant situation without actually coughing out some straightforward denials.
Also, the process of rejecting someone outright and in clear terms can be hurtful for both parties; if the rejecter doesn’t particularly hate the rejectee, they may well wish to avoid being the direct cause of that pain. That may be a case of washing their hands with some omission bias, but it’s not obviously-and-universally-true-in-all-cases that failing to respond is never any better than playing mute.
In short, the thought process may be as simple as wanting to spare someone pain. “I’m not interested in seeing you any more” is the painful directness that many want to steer clear of, while “Sorry I can’t make it I’m busy” is an example of a hint that other people may not get. Some people have no problem making the connection that “Sorry I can’t make it I’m busy” means “No”, but others do, and they’ll see it as essentially the same as “Sorry I can’t make it I’m busy but how about tomorrow,” which is a fundamentally different response. I don’t remember when I realized the difference myself, but I think it was an “A-ha!” of a decent size.
I definitely understand “Sorry I can’t make it I’m busy” as a placeholder for “No,” and I would understand no further response after something dismissive like that.
I don’t understand not even a dismissive response.
Have you ruled out the possibility that the people who stopped talking to you were trying to feed you different kinds of placeholders? Not everyone resorts to the same clichés, and subtle hints can get too subtle easily.
Unless you think “:) see you tomorrow” is a subtle hint, yes, I have ruled that out in many cases.