I like this. The terminology I was exposed to for what you’re calling cognitive fusion is being “subject to” something (I think it comes from Kegan but I learned it from Pete Michaud), and defusion is taking the thing “as object.” (Actually these might not quite line up; if someone who’s familiar with both terms can explain any possible differences to me I’d appreciate it.) And the practice I’ve been using for getting experience with this is circling.
Example: I spent most of the last year being subject to aliefs along the lines of “if X happens then that means I’m bad, which means that nobody will ever love me,” which constantly surfaced in most of the circles I was in. The point of working with this alief in a circle was 1) to get exposed to situations that might trigger the alief, 2) to notice when other people started being confused about what I was saying because it no longer made sense to them, and 3) possibly to get actual experiences that contradict the alief (people still loving me even though X had happened). I was gradually able to take this alief as object but it took awhile; it had a very, very strong grip on me. Then it disappeared entirely after I did some other stuff (Tantra workshops, talking to a friend who tweaked my self-concept, cutting carbs out of my diet, drinking pedialyte, CFAR workshop), but I think the circling was foundational for the other stuff having the effect that it did.
This alief was preventing me from doing a lot of things out of fear of being judged (as bad), and I feel much more free to do whatever I want now that it’s gone, which so far has included initiating the process of leaving graduate school to work for MIRI, organizing an event at the CFAR office to explore teaching people how to construct gears models, writing about vulnerable topics like emotional pain and trauma on Facebook, visiting gardens around Berkeley, hanging out with birds, not playing video games or watching anime or reading manga, weight lifting, looking people in the eyes more, asking for and offering more hugs, singing and dancing while walking down the street, writing this list even though it feels like bragging…
In other comments when I’ve talked about thorny emotional bugs, this is the sort of thing I was talking about. My experience is that most people come to CFAR workshops with at least one bug like this (edit: which they don’t know they have! Blindspots!), which is seriously holding them back; I don’t think it’s uncommon at all.
Reading this comment made me feel really happy for you.
From what you’ve been writing here and on Facebook, I feel like I can relate to a lot of the stuff you’ve been going through and fixing. I’m glad that you’re getting through it.
Thanks. I’ve really appreciated your writing about what you’ve gone through as well, especially the core transformation stuff and the self-concept stuff above.
I like this. The terminology I was exposed to for what you’re calling cognitive fusion is being “subject to” something (I think it comes from Kegan but I learned it from Pete Michaud), and defusion is taking the thing “as object.” (Actually these might not quite line up; if someone who’s familiar with both terms can explain any possible differences to me I’d appreciate it.) And the practice I’ve been using for getting experience with this is circling.
Example: I spent most of the last year being subject to aliefs along the lines of “if X happens then that means I’m bad, which means that nobody will ever love me,” which constantly surfaced in most of the circles I was in. The point of working with this alief in a circle was 1) to get exposed to situations that might trigger the alief, 2) to notice when other people started being confused about what I was saying because it no longer made sense to them, and 3) possibly to get actual experiences that contradict the alief (people still loving me even though X had happened). I was gradually able to take this alief as object but it took awhile; it had a very, very strong grip on me. Then it disappeared entirely after I did some other stuff (Tantra workshops, talking to a friend who tweaked my self-concept, cutting carbs out of my diet, drinking pedialyte, CFAR workshop), but I think the circling was foundational for the other stuff having the effect that it did.
This alief was preventing me from doing a lot of things out of fear of being judged (as bad), and I feel much more free to do whatever I want now that it’s gone, which so far has included initiating the process of leaving graduate school to work for MIRI, organizing an event at the CFAR office to explore teaching people how to construct gears models, writing about vulnerable topics like emotional pain and trauma on Facebook, visiting gardens around Berkeley, hanging out with birds, not playing video games or watching anime or reading manga, weight lifting, looking people in the eyes more, asking for and offering more hugs, singing and dancing while walking down the street, writing this list even though it feels like bragging…
In other comments when I’ve talked about thorny emotional bugs, this is the sort of thing I was talking about. My experience is that most people come to CFAR workshops with at least one bug like this (edit: which they don’t know they have! Blindspots!), which is seriously holding them back; I don’t think it’s uncommon at all.
Reading this comment made me feel really happy for you.
From what you’ve been writing here and on Facebook, I feel like I can relate to a lot of the stuff you’ve been going through and fixing. I’m glad that you’re getting through it.
Thanks. I’ve really appreciated your writing about what you’ve gone through as well, especially the core transformation stuff and the self-concept stuff above.